Just Another Day...

I have been sitting down for about ten minutes. I just had the realization that this is the longest that I have sat down (other than brunch and dinner) all day. My back is killing me!

However, the pain is worth it...because I feel super duper accomplished!

This morning, the kids let us sleep in a bit, which was nice (and much needed for such a long day), then we went out to brunch, followed by shopping at Meijer and Walmart. We restocked our laundry room with laundry detergent, bought a few months worth of ketchup and more cereal, stocked up on some hygiene products for the kids, and got some cleaning products (oh, how ironic!). Then, Walmart to buy some food for dinner tonight, some decor for the upstairs bathroom (a new shower curtain and a bath rug mainly), and some other random items.

These are not our actual bags from shopping, but ya know, bags are bags, eh?

The arrival home led to some cleaning. Jose made dinner to put into the crockpots while Isa and I cleaned the living, dining room, and basement. Teo napped (he doesn't feel well...boo!). After Jose finished food, Teo continued to sleep and we cleaned the upstairs hallway, some of Isa's room, the bathroom (and added the new decor), and cleaned through the books. I got a bag of books for the yard sale from it.

This is not our bookshelf, but pretty much resembles how it looks most of the time. We do have the Olivia book though!

We threw the dirty clothes down the stairs, then to the laundry room. I began to fold the laundry that filled the pool table. Jose's sister and her kids arrived for dinner, so we began to set the table, get food together, etc. Then, I sat down for dinner (and seconds!). After filling my gut with yummi-licious food, I cleared the table, did dishes, cleaned up the leftovers, wiped down the kitchen, and returned to the basement to finish folding laundry. I did the whole pool table, and now, the clothes are all folded waiting for the hubs to put them away. I ended up with about six bags of clothes to get rid of that have made it to the pile growing in the kitchen.

Got this from a google search, but it pretty much sums up how we deal with laundry...

I came upstairs to say goodbye to the family and cleaned up really quick what was left out, before finally sitting down to watch a movie with the hubby man. Now, the only thing I am making myself do for the rest of the night is match socks. There are three shopping bags worth to sort through....have I mentioned that I hate sorting socks? At least I get to sit down!

I gotta put the laptop down, refill my coffee, and get at it! Lazy Saturdays are the best! Hahaha!

There Are Two Sides To Every Story.

If you listen to one person and assume that they are telling you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...and you believe them with every ounce of your being, you are naive. Not because you're stupid or because people are not trustworthy (which is an entirely different post), but because quite simply, each and every one of us is biased simply by existing.

I can only tell you one side of the story: my side. And you can only tell me one side of the story: your side.

In a marriage, there are two sides to the story.

In a family dispute, there are multiple sides of the story.

In any circumstance in life, there are hundreds of potential sides of the story (if not more).

No matter what the situation is, it is always important to remember that no one person can tell you the entire story. Only God fully knows. And it is in your best interest to remain objective. No good comes from blindly believing.

Now, more often than not, it's not really important to know the entire story.

If my friend calls me to complain about an arguement with her husband, it's not necessary that I know the full truth. I am being asked to support and listen, not determine the facts.

But, there are some serious situations where it is important to know as many facts as possible. And to know that, even with all those facts, there will be missing information. When it is necessary, do your research. And be prepared for curveballs. They always come flying at you when you least expect it.

I hate feeling so confused sometimes...

My Husband Forgets Things

A few years ago, he began this bad habit of forgetting his cell phone at home when he went to work, causing me to have no way to contact him. This was occurring about two or three times a week. Finally, I told one of his co-workers (and one of my friends) to let him know that the next time that he left his cell phone at home, I was going to shove it so far up his a** that when I called him, his tonsils would vibrate. Needless to say, he seemed to gain the ability to remember his cell phone much better after that.

Then, we began to battle about him leaving diapers on the floor after he changes Teo. When he changes him before bed or first thing in the morning, he would just leave the diaper laying on the rug in Teo's bedroom. I began to threaten that each diaper left would find it's way into his car. He's not great at it, but it's gotten better.

When he takes leftovers to work for lunch, he has this habit of leaving the containers in a plastic bag in his car for a week or so (no matter whether is it 80 degrees outside or not) and then, when he cleans out his car, he leaves the entire bag, with the plastic container and the nasty food inside, on the counter for me to wash when I do the other dishes. After I started gagging after opening one, I have began to threaten that those containers would be placed in his pillowcase, open, if he didn't take care of them. He doesn't wash them, (I think he throws them away) but at least I don't have to either.

Our newest battle is the late night snacks and drinks. He will get a snack and/or something to drink around 9 PM. Then, he fails to put his dishes in the sink when he goes to bed, no matter how many times I remind him. I'm getting tired of telling him to clean up after himself, but don't even have enough creativity to give him a threat. Last night, there was a coffee cup on the table from the coffee that I made him this evening and a open bottle of A&W Root Beer, half full still, tucked carefully between piles of laundry. Both of which I kindly asked him to take care of before he went to bed. I think I need a threat. Any ideas?

And although I didn't think of a creative threat to reinforce his cleaning up after himself, I did make sure to lay out his workshirt for today...with the coffee cup, the open bottle of root beer, and his empty bowl of cereal (which I found next to the chair) sitting on top of it...

Flood.

When it rains, it pours. When it pours, it floods. That's basically where my life has gone....flooded.

I can't even put things together enough to write a coherant blog post...there is so much going on in my mind...so, to spare you all, I'm not even going to try.

Here's just an idea of what I will be explaining in detail at some point of time in the future:

• My dad called, but I didn't accept the call. I need to write him a letter.
• My sister-in-law called and we are going to help her out. We need to re-arrange some things in the house.
• Isa woke up this morning with a 102.7 fever and then threw up. She will be home with me tomorrow.
• Our sleep patterns have been shot to hell this weekend. Friday night, we went to sleep at 2 AM. I got woken up at 5 AM by a phone call requiring me to leave. I returned home and went back to sleep around 11 AM and I slept until about 2 PM. Last night, we didn't fall asleep until 4 AM and woke up around 8 AM, but went back to sleep until about 10 AM when Isa finally woke up. We returned to take a nap around 1 PM and slept until about 5 PM. Now, it's 11 PM and I know I need to go to bed. But my brain seems to think differently.
• My son broke a wine glass that I painted for heARTworks, now, I need to redo it. It pretty much rocked too.
• My home needs some loving attention. The dust on my mantel is high enough that you cannot see the original wood color (mostly thanks to all the sanding that Jose did to the house in January). The laundry pile that needs folded is large enough that an elephant would be scared. The craft room's mess could hide small vehicle. Ugh. I need a maid.

I'm pretty sure that I jinxed myself last week when I stated that I really want a boring life. When I can think straight, I'll fill in some missing pieces...if you pray, please just shoot out some little prayers for our little family. Thank you.

What Would You Do?

We don't recieve the newspaper. I have never ordered it because I know that I would not have time to read them, they would pile up and eventually, just be tossed out. However, this morning, as we headed to get the kids to the sitter and school, Isa was overjoyed by the bright orange bag containing the newspaper on our front step.

I just walked over it in my attempt to keep Mateo from jumping in large mud puddles.

But, when I returned home, a line on the front page caught my eye. "How Can People Be So Heartless?" so, I picked it up. I came inside, got comfy and opened it to the article, which I have linked for you here.

Has being a Samaritan fallen by the wayside? The Journal Gazette Fort Wayne, IN

It almost made me cry. Are we so busy that we cannot stop and help a person for a few moments get on their feet? What would I do?

Often, I am the "second guesser" in these situations. I see a car accident, and about a block later, think, "Man, I really should have stopped." But instead, I just call 911. I see a person who is struggling and a few moments later wonder, "Did they need help?" but assume that by the time I would circle around, they would be done, so I continue on.

Has that changed for me? Now that I have a more flexible schedule, would I take a moment to stop. Yes. Probably. I would like to think so, at least.

We like to watch certain shows on television, and one of them had a "What would you do?" type scenerio where there was a person in the park, on the ground sobbing. The biggest measure of if a person would stop or not wasn't their faith or their background, wasn't being male or female, old or young...the biggest measure was if they were on a time constraint. Wow. It is not worth being late for work or an appointment to stop and help another human being.

I am trying to make a stronger effort to be available (however, retain my boundaries that I am building) and to never hesitate to take a few moments of my time to give to someone who is truely in need. For me, that's a really fine line to walk, but I want to walk it.

What do you think of the article? Have you ever been faced with a similar situation? What did you do?

Secrets of Nonprofit Life

In the last five years, I have been blessed to tell people that I work at a nonprofit. Sometimes, they understand (usually because they have worked at a nonprofit at one time or another), but often, I get the look of confusion...So, I have compiled a list of things that people don't know about working at a nonprofit:

1. Some nonprofits are awesome. Some are not. Right now, I feel like I am at one of the best nonprofits (our church) that I have ever seen. The respect that I recieve from the pastor is beyond anything I could have expected.

2. There is rarely a clear and organized structure of power. There is an Executive Director (and possibly other directors) and a Board. It often gets tricky as to whom in in charge of what. This leads to some confusion for staff and the community when it comes to making large decisions.

3. Just because they have budgets does not mean they have money. Nonprofit means just that...at the end of the fiscal year, they make no profit from the work that they do. Every penny is spoken for.

4. Being a nonprofit that is considered a charity does not mean that we are required to give you a handout. You should still treat us with respect and know that we can say no to helping you. With that being said, we really do want to serve you, to help you overcome your barriers and to see you succeed. But sometimes, success does not come in the form of a check. However, most often, we really just do not have the means to help (See #3.)

5. Just because it looks like a desk job doesn't mean it is. I know plenty of people who work at a nonprofit and put in tons of hours of physical labor. Often, we don't hire movers because we don't have the money. We do a lot of our own IT work, maintenance work, cleaning work, lawncare, etc. In my old job, I serviced the elevators, went up on the roof to work on the air conditioners, salted sidewalks, had my husband mow the lawn, cooked for kids, etc. I was the IT person, as well as the one who got the call when the alarm system went off. Just last week, at my job now, the pastor was snow blowing the sidewalk. It happens all the time, which feeds into #9.

6. More often than not, we are also the printers. That means that all brochures, flyers, and business cards are made, folded, and cut by us. Also, the mailings that you get, those are usually folded and stuffed by staff and volunteers. In the last five years, I have cut and/or folded over a million publications, I am certain. So, please be kind if there is a misprint, a misspelling, or a crooked fold.

7. Just because a place calls itself a nonprofit doesn't mean it is. Nonprofits are required to be registered with the state and are a real entity. Often, they have .org at the end of their web address, but they don't have to. And, many (but not all) can be checked with the Better Business Bureau. Just because they say they are a nonprofit, doesn't mean they are legit.


8. People who work at nonprofits generally spend half their time figuring out exactly what their job entails and the other half of the time doing it. Often, training is non-existant or consists of "here are some binders, read them and look through your office and when you're done, ask me any questions that you have." Additionally, policies and job descriptions change a lot at nonprofits. When you are operating using money that is donated or granted, they change the rules, so you change the rules. Fortunately, it seems to be betterment most of the time. So, if we say "I don't know" or "Let me ask so-and-so first" to something that seems like a very simple question, we probably really don't know.

9. There is usually twice as much work as there is staff to do the work. That means that sometimes, your phone call will get lost, your email will be unanswered, and your meeting may be forgotten. We are human beings. However, we have not forgotten you. And we are okay if you call, email or contact us again. However, if you try more than three or four times, we either haven't gotten to you yet and we have you on our to-do list, or we are ignoring you, but 99% of the time, we just haven't found the time. I promise.

10. People that work in nonprofits do so because they care. They do not make big money. No one begins working in nonprofits to climb the ladder or get rich or gain power. We are all just trying to serve people. However, like many other jobs, sometimes, people get worn down and tired. Nonprofit workers may grow exhausted more quickly than others, depending on the circumstances. It's called compassion fatigue. Please, give us the benefit of the doubt. We are often being called to do twenty things at once and we want to serve will all our hearts, but it can be tough.

So, hopefully, you now have just a slightly better idea of what goes on within the nonprofit world. Like many other industries, there is good and there is bad, there is easy and there is hard, but often people have the wrong opinion of what goes on at nonprofits. I have heard numerous people state that it's all a scam, that in nonprofits, people just pocket all the money donated, that it's all politics, etc. And, in some nonprofits, it may be true, but there is so much more that goes on...



A Quick Guide On How To Have Friends...

In reading Father Fiction, there is a chapter dedicated to Friendship. In it, the author, Donald Miller states:

"The primary way to recieve the attention and affirmation we need is to affirm and care for others. I'm talking about being a good, loyal friend. We think that people will like us more if we are funny or athletic or good looking, and some fo that really does bring us attention, but what everybody really wants in a friend is somebody who is self-assured and loyal."

So, let's break this down.

To have good great friends, you do not need to be popular. You do not need to be skinny. Or stuning. Or a model. You do not need wealth or fancy things. You do not need to be a star athlete. Or a prestigious community member.

To have great friends, you need to be a great friend.

You need to love. To care. To listen and be there. You need to affirm them and not tear them down. You need to be yourself, be true, be honest. You need to be trustworthy and open. You need to be confident, but not cocky. And you need to be loyal.

And in return, you will gain the same from them, if they are true friends.

To have great friends, you need to be a great friend.

So, why do friendships fail?

I believe that I am, generally, a good friend. I try to love, care, be there, listen, affirm, be true, be honest, trustworthy, open, confident, and loyal. (So much so that I am now having to back away from friendships to focus on my marriage.)

However, sometime, friendships just don't continue on. Sometimes, people change courses in life and go separate ways. Sometimes, people hold grudges against small things that you did or said and they grow into a large wedge between you both. Sometimes, you hold a hurt or they hold a hurt, and cannot let go for the friendship.

I honestly have faith that God brings people into our lives when we need them most. And when those issues are resolved, they are removed from our lives. Does that mean that they aren't true friends? No. Does that mean that the friendship must die? No. However, things do change.

But, there are those friends who's lives will run a constant parallel to your own. And they will be true and long lasting friends. They are the ones who, when you begin to grow apart, they pull you back in (and you pull them back as well) to ensure that your ships always run its course together. These friendships are the ones that give life it's extra sparkle.

However, if you do not do your part to be a good friend, even those friendships will fade.

Here is a photo of me and one of my truest, bestest friends, Kristy. We formed our friendship while she was my caseworker and when she left the job, we lost touch. Then about a year or two later, she found me during a city-wide event, yelled and shouted at me until I saw her. I dug up her phone number and we immediately reconnected. There are times when we lose touch and don't speak for a week or two, but through thick and thin, easy and hard times, she has been there for me and she knows that if she needs anything, I am here for her. I trust her with my world. I love her with my heart. As I wrote much of this post, she was on my mind... Love you lady!

Lazy Sundays

Sundays = Lazy Days.

Sundays are the day when we *try* to be lazy, do nothing, and just hang out. Today, I believe we succeeded...at least, the kids and I did.

Our morning began by waking up late. Like half hour before church started late. So, we threw the family together quickly, got drive thru breakfast (horrible parenting, I know!), and drove to church. We were arriving there exactly on time....

But I realized that I forgot something. So, I begged Jose to turn around and go home so I could grab it, plus it gave us an extra five minutes or so to eat breakfast. Ran in the house, grabbed what I needed, drove back to church. Breakfast was eaten. We were only about ten minutes late when we pulled into the parking lot. The very very full parking lot.

So, we proceeded to drive down the super long snowy and icy alley and circled the block to try to find street parking. The entire street was covered with cars or piles of snow, and if we were to park, it would have been at least a block or two away. Plus, we were about twenty minutes late at this point. We gave up.

Instead, we went to visit my grandma (whom the kids call Me-Me Mamaw) and two uncles at their house. The kids played, Jose watched Chuck Norris, and I talked to my grandma for an hour or two before heading back home.

When we got home, none of us were hungry although it was noon. Blame the late breakfast. So, we napped. All four of us, kinda. Isa played most the time, but I slept good and Teo slept good and I believe Jose was sleeping too on the couch. Around 2:30 PM, his cell rang so I sent Isa downstairs with it and soon heard Jose leave to help his sister move. We then continued our nap until about 4 PM. It was awesome.

After waking up, I fed the kids a late and light "lunch" of leftover spaghetti and fresh fruit. Then, we played and cleaned a little bit. And cleaned and played some more. Jose got home just in time to make frozen pizza and watch "The Funnies" (America's Funniest Home Videos) with the kids. Teo laughing at videos is the best part! And, about a half hour ago, the kids went to bed. Although the little one is still up. I hear him playing with his drum..

So lazy. We are so lazy. Today was the perfect Sunday (although it would have truely been perfect if Jose had been able to stay and be lazy with us the entire time)! I love lazy Sundays!

Just Because I Know You Are Dying To Ask...

So, as the day nears it's end, I know you are dying to ask me a few questions. So, to save you the burning feeling inside your mind...I'll answer them (because, of course, I'm already knowing what you would ask).

Q: How do I feel?
A: Right this second, not too bad. I have the heating pad on my back and took another dosage of drugs a couple hours ago that have recently kicked in. I do however have a migraine, which is weird because one of the drugs I took was a pain reliever. I have officially taken three doses of my antibiotics, but this evening around seven, my fever returned and although it didn't go quite so high, it did hit about 101 before my medicine kicked in and took it down.

Q: How is my dad?
A: I don't know. He has not contacted me at all from jail this time. I have spoken to his (soon to be ex) wife via phone and text, but not much. She said something today about him possibly doing 6-12 months in rehab instead of staying in jail, so that'd be interesting.

Q: How is work going?
A: I love it so much. I never dreamed that I could have such a wonderfully perfect job(s) that allowed me to have flexibility and do what I love so much. I seriously never realized that a job could be so amazing. I am able to use my wide array of God-given skills to do a wide variety of tasks to serve Him and others in the community. I seriously love it!

Q: How are the kids?
A: Well, Teo recieved a much needed haircut yesterday. And Isa is her normally mouthy self anymore. I love them both dearly, and Mondays and Tuesdays are the worst days in the week because I work 12 hours and don't see them at all (except to get Isa ready for school). Teo is learning to talk much more (even though it's still quite garbled) and is becoming more able to play alone. Isa is learning to read (which is so awesome) but still can't tie her shoes. Aside from her attitude issues, she's growing into quite a strong and beautiful young lady.

Q: How is my marriage?
A: Good. The weekend away was much needed and removed a lot of our tension. My recent illness crap has made things a little rough, simply because I am too tired and in too much pain to help much around the house, but we did nearly complete the dining room, so that continues to keep us smiling. I haven't thought about the affair much lately, so slowly but surely, it's becoming "normal" again.

Q: How's heARTworks?
A: So awesome. I am amazed at how successful it has become and have a couple orders that I need to finish up. This being sick crap has made me behind a bit, but it'll even out soon. I am looking forward to a couple of the larger projects coming up!

So, that's enough of question and answer time...I'm exhausted and am going to bed...

Seriously though, if you could ask me just one question, what would it be (feel free to ask anoynmously)? I will answer them soon!

RSVP: No.

In my 26 years of life, I have attended a handful of "parties" that women throw. You know, the ones where there is "no obligation to buy" but then you feel so guilty, you walk away spending over $50 and get two things that you don't really need.

I hate shopping to begin with. I am frugal and have problems saying "no" (read previous posts about boundaries if you doubt this). I am a salesperson's dream.

What is funny is that, in all my years of attending these parties with my mom or with friends, I have yet to walk away with something that is so beyond amazing that it has transformed my life, despite all the promises.

Mary Kay, Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Pure Romance, Lia Sophia, Tastefully Simple, etc....although you all are lovely products, my life is not completed by you.

And, while I love spending time with my friends, I do believe that I would rather have a day of playing wii or shooting billards or just plain eating a meal together, than having someone tell me how amazing a product is.

Why are salespeople so good at what they do?

One time, we bought a Kirby from a kid with holey shoes that came bearing a bottle of hand soap. Kind of. But that is a story for another day. And one time, we bought a house full of windows from a man who came to the door. Kind of. But that is another story for another day as well.

I can see how weak I am in regards to door-to-door salespeople. And I know how weak I am in regards to sale-parties.

Therefore, for the same reason that I no longer open the door to someone holding a clipboard, flyer, or a bottle of soap (well, maybe with the bottle of soap, but only to take the soap, then tell them no and lock the door)...I will no longer attend your "parties".

Invite me to hang out, and I'll try my hardest to be there. Invite me to listen to a sales pitch and I'll have to deny. (And for those friends who are consultants themselves, keep rockin' what you do. I just don't have the willpower to say walk away without buying something that I don't need.)

So, what's the best and/or worst purchase you've ever gotten from a "party"?

The Future - Month 1

For New Years, I wrote this...however, they were more of goals than resolutions...

We have finished the first month of 2011...and here's where I stand with these goals.
1. I have continued to go to therapy and work on boundaries. I have obtained a borrowed copy of the book, but have yet to open it...can we say February goal? I have been able to draw more lines and say no a little more often.

2. We have been spending at much time as possible with the kids, but it's been a busy month. However, we are trying to read together more, cuddle more, etc. I miss them a lot on the evenings that I work.

3. I am still dealing with my issues. I have blogged a lot more lately to sort through the thoughts. I have also been talking to Jose more and as mentioned above, still doing therapy.

4. We have began the O.W.L. group with some special ladies. I posted about it here. I haven't done the best, but at most, I am at least much more aware of what I am putting into my body now. I have begun to eat breakfast. Have basically cut out all soda other than diet. Am eating much less as far as late night snacks. And of course, I am drinking more water and eating a lot less junk food. There has been a drop in weight so something must be working...

5. As time allows, I have tried to increase my physical activity...I am not to a consistant three times per week yet though...soon. Soon.

6. I've done 15 scrapbook pages in January! The all day scrapping event helped a ton! See the newest pages here. Only 35 more to go to reach my goal...hehe!

7. Since the first week of January, I have been unable to work on cleaning out electronic photos or getting any more printed...I plan to work on them again soon.

8. I still haven't touched my ipod files. If anyone wants to volunteer to organize them all, the project is theirs!

9. The house projects are huge and will take a lot of time. At the first of the year, my dad and Jose got two windows in. Since then, Jose has been stripping and staining the dining room trim. See some photos here. And here.

10. I have become a lot less focused on facebook. It's just not necessary...

11. The house exterior and fence will wait until spring has sprung.

12. I have been going to bed fairly consistantly around 1 AM (or earlier), except on weekends and times when we are kidless, but those nights are different because I am able to sleep in.

13. I have 2 tin orders to complete, a mini mural and a canvas painting. I have also hit 100 followers on heARTworks facebook page! Whoot whoot!
14. I continue to have discussions about affairs and it has definately been laid upon my heart to do more in the form of a website...I am still hoping for a launch date of my wedding anniversary.

15. I finished one book in January. Father Fiction by Donald Miller. I have also read about half of another and have a list of three or so waiting for me. I need to count pages, but I feel accomplished already.

16. Jose and I took a mini-vacation to Columbus, Ohio. It was a renewal kinda thing. You can read about it and see photos here,

17 & 18. Haven't done a darn ditty thing in regards to sewing or knitting...maybe once the dining room is livable, we can find my craft room again...it's kinda buried.

19. Again, doors will wait until at least spring.

20. And, I have been so focused on drinking water that milk is just a pain...but I am focusing on getting more dairy in general, so hopefully in the next few months, we can start working milk in.

One month down, eleven more to go! Now taking bets: Can I do it? If not, which do you think I will complete and which will be deemed as "failures"?

My Blog is So Random.

I wish I was cool enough to know how to streamline it...to make it focus on one thing, topic, element of me. But, I don't. So I can't. I'm so multifaceted. And layered.

Like an onion, as put best by Shrek. But it's not just emotions. I'm just so random and sporatic anyways. At any given point, I have 6,345,231 things running through my mind. And my blog reflects that. So, my blog is me, right? Hehe.

Maybe I'm like a pizza. A supreme or "the works" kinda pizza. One bite, you get a pepperoni; then next, a green pepper. Each bite is different, but wonderful, of course. Except when you get that one bite where the crust is burnt or the pineapple from other pizza ended up, and then your tongue cries out, "Bleck, what WAS that?!"...but I'm sure I have those moments too. My adult temper tantrums. My times of freaking out.

So, my blog should be called, My Supreme Pizza Kinda Life. Bahaha!

This Evening...

...I got to go out to dinner with my family, and although my kids had moments of acting horrible, I enjoyed it.
...Teo put his pants on all by himself and although they were backwards, he was so proud and it was so cute. I enjoyed it.
...my husband took initiative to take me out sans kids, and although it didn't go as planned, I enjoyed it.
...Jose and I went to Starbucks and he enjoyed his coffee and we had a real discussion about real things. I enjoyed it.
...we went shopping after coffee and although we spent too much, we bought 3 wii games, including Just Dance 2 (which ROCKS!) and clothes for the kids. My favorites: matching skeleton hoodies that will be worn year round, no worries! I enjoyed it.
...we walked and held hands in the cold. I enjoyed it.
...we returned home to see Isa asleep in Jamie's arms and realized (again) that blood doesn't make a family. I enjoyed it.
...although he was playing his shoot 'em up game, Jose changed disks and we Just Danced for over an hour! I laughed a lot and I enjoyed it.
...Jose went to bed and I stayed up alone to paint a mummy for our youth group. I got time to think and do something relaxing that I love. I enjoyed it.

Today was a good day. :)

When The Tornado Hits

A couple days ago, the area in which we live was ravaged by tornadoes. About half the nation was hit by these storms, it seems. We were fortunate. The towns to the west of us were hit. The towns to the east of us were hit. Towns north and south of us were hit, but we were not.

At least, not outside.

Inside my house, the swirling, spinning, whirlwinds of life with a family have struck. I continue to try to clean and every day, there are socks and shoes lying everywhere, laundry has been dumped in piles here and there, the pillows that belong on the couch are lying on the floor around its base, papers from school and work and life are scattered along table tops, toys and coloring things are sprinkled around, and more.

I do not know how to make this mess remain controllable without spending five hours a day in cleaning mode. It sounds horrible, but we do not have five hours a day to clean.

Let me clarify, my house is not necessarily dirty. Yes, the dishes are piled in the sink, but they are washed daily, two days at the most. We have three adults and two kids here. They pile up fast. The trash is emptied and taken outside when it is full, and at least once a week, I take a trip through the bathrooms to empty the trash cans there. But it's the other, non-dirty mess that drives me insane.

I am a world-renouned (okay, maybe that's an exaggeration) organization freak. It's quite probably an OCD thing. The dvds are in alphabetical order. There are crates under the tables with filing folders, one personal and one work related. I have to have things orderly when they are in sight and when they are out of sight, but lately, I cannot keep up with it all.

Some days it really bothers me. Other days, I'm too tired to care. I think that at one time, I needed the house to be "perfect" in order to balance out the plain insanity of the rest of my life. So, maybe it's good that my house is disorderly. It's a sign of healing. Or, maybe it's a sign of exhaustion. I will stick to the first.

Jose and I are not perfect. Nor are we close to it. We go up and we go down. We have many lows and enough highs. We are facing battles that I would not wish upon my worst enemy, but we are healthy and we have beautiful, loving children. We are blessed beyond belief and I need to remain focused on that. The rest we can work through. And, work through it we do.

Many tornadoes have hit our relationship in the last five and a half years since we said "I do." Tornadoes that hurt. That are costly. That tear us apart. But we are stubborn and we continue to rebuild our relationship and our life, stronger and stronger. When we first got married, we built our house out of straw. That kinda straw that is full of ideals and lovey dovey weak and flimsy grass. When the first winds came, we rebuilt, a little stronger, and with each subsequent wind gusts, we have rebuilt again and again. With the affair, I believe we successfully made the leap from straw to sticks, but sticks are still not strong enough to withstand the high winds that occasionally blow through. We have a faith though, with the house of sticks, that has made us much stronger than before, but there is still much more we can do to make it better.

So, my house is a mess, but my marriage isn't. So, I gladly trade one for the other.

My Eyeballs!

Earlier this week, I recieved a solemn phone call from my optomitrist office. The woman spoke with such seriousness in her tone, that for a brief moment, I was afraid that my eyeballs were going to fall out or someting.

"I am so sorry to call you, Mrs. ******," she said, "but Dr. ****** has asked me to contact you regarding your appointment that you had in September." She hesitated.

Oh no, this is it, I thought, possibly being a little dramatic, something is horribly wrong. Then the logical Carla kicked in. What could possibly be wrong? They don't do lab work or anything that gets sent away, so if there was a problem, they would have known at my appointment.

She went on. "I hate to do this, but would it be possible for you to come in again, at your convenience, whenever you can fit it into your schedule for about ten minutes? Something happened and we cannot find the records of your past visit."

Whew, I get to keep my eyeballs!

I arranged to come first thing today, and told her it wasn't a big deal. I still believe that when I had my appointment there, my bad luck of the day is the cause of their computers crashing and hence, losing my file. So, it wasn't an issue. Plus, the office is probably a five minute walk from my house.

This morning, I got Isa on the bus and everything and went, full out in my stay-at-home/work-at-home uniform (sweats, a hoodie, and a hat) to the eye doctors.

My doc gave me a sheepish grin when I walked in and whisked me back to the exam room. She opened my file and handed me a gift card to Starbucks for the inconvenience. I told her it really wasn't an issue and that the gift card was much appreciated, but was not necessary. She quickly went through the normal exam. Read this line, cover this eye, look at this, better or worse, better or worse, and then...the pressure drops. Ugh, I hate those things. I laughingly told her that THOSE were the reason she felt she needed to give me a gift card, so she could put those drops into my eyes that somehow expand into invisible bricks, putting pressure onto them and making them feel like they are going to pop out of my ears.

But I survived, and it was very quick. I adore the doctor and the entire crew there at the office. I will refer people there forever, and I loved them with or without a gift card (although it was super sweet!

And wouldn't ya know, my eyes are the same from my last visit! ;)

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Saves the Day

My day was long and mentally tiring. It was great. I loved it. The conversations, the thoughts. I really had a great day. But it made me tired. So, I listened to Ingred Michaelson on the ride home. LOUD. Enough said.

When I arrived, I was greeted by a very rambunctious duo. It should have been my warning for the night.

In the next hour, I stripped my son down to his diaper because he likes to play with the chocolate syrup, started a load of laundry because his chocolate covered clothes transferred mess to my clothes when he decided to jump on me, had to deal with a million mini freakout tantrums, got my coupon binders ran over by a high chair, pulled a Suduku book out of the toilet, got headbutted in the face, had kids jumping all over me, and much more!
So, finally, I submitted to powers stronger than me and permitted the tv to turn on. Within seconds, both kids were silent, sitting on the couch, entranced by Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It was pretty awesome.

I'm not sure if I should be joyous or sad that they are so enamored by that movie... I love it. I love that they love it. They would rather watch musicals and things like that than stupid cartoons like Spongebob. But still, they do love the tv and that is kinda a bummer.

Often I wonder what other families do about tv and movie rules. Is there an amount of time set per day? How do you keep track? Is it a reward kinda thing? Hmmm....

Quick Start, Never Finish

So, as I have mentioned before, I am a "starter"...but I struggle to finish projects.

At a conference I attended a few months ago, they discussed this. There are people that are wonderful at creating and getting a fire going and burning strong, but there are other people that are great at keeping the coals hot and not letting the flame burn out.

I'm a starter. I can think up these huge projects and get them into motion. I can start wonderful things. But then, the flame gets smaller and I don't know how to keep it from burning out.

My house, my life, is full of half-finished projects.

There is a half knitted scarf on the end table. My daughter's mural is half done. My computer houses a book that is half written. There are rooms that are half decorated. My scrapbook projects are all sitting in limbo, half completed. I have a half-completed concept of a mural business.

Half of me is filled with new projects to start. I have a desire to write a book about being a child of an alcoholic. And a book about how God has used an affair to save my life. I want to start *something* to work with family members of people in jail.

The other half of me wants to complete the projects started. To have that sense of accomplishment that I had something that I did from start to finish.

Maybe I should work on the scarf. It'd be the easiest battle to win...

A Meal of Thoughts on my Plate

The Drink:
I order diet. We have made the change in our house from regular soda to diet soda. Once you get used to it, you cannot taste a difference, and at some point, you realize that you don't even like to drink regular anymore. I have re-developed my love for music. It's in a different dynamic than before. I no longer desire to have hateful or hurtful music fill my ears. I no longer want to be filled with lyrics that are full of violence. I listen to the words and want to hear things that fill my heart. To hear music that resonates, not only with my sense of rhythm, but with my life and my choices for my life. I could always sense a difference between positive and negative music. The feelings that arise inside of me when I listen to it. And now, I am to a point where I don't even like the negative music anymore.

The Salad:
When I eat salad, it's nothing extravagant. If I fill it up with a bunch of toppings, it's too much and I do not have room for my main meal. So, I keep it simple: lettuce, dressing, a couple croutons and maybe some cheese. I have decided that simplicity is what I need for survival. I am fed up with the "need" for stuff. Things. Money. Value. We strive to have things. We thrive to have stuff. I have reached the end of my desire for the worldly posessions. Looking at where my life was when I accumulated this stuff, I can see why it may be better to have none. Yes, we will keep belongings, but I am done with the clutter. If it has sat, unused for a given amount of time, it's gone. I will sell it on craigslist or give it away on freecycle or pass it along to friends or leave it at the curb. I just do not need these objects that mean nothing to me making my life more messy. We have slowly de-cluttered and simplified our living room. It is amazing to me how much more calming it is. Yes, we have kids, so on many days, there are shoes here and toys there, but they have a place and when we clean up, it is quick and painless. I want this for my entire house. My entire life. 

The Main Course:
The meat and potatoes. When living in a home where my husband does most of the cooking, we almost always have some sort of meat and potatoes. But it's filling and it's overall nutritious and it never gets old. People have been eating meat and potatoes as a meal for generations. People have been serving one another in the name of Christ for generations.
     With my job, I step into people's lives. Sometimes they ask, sometimes I offer. Many times, neither of us get what we bargained for. I have developed this thirst for serving people, helping people, loving people. I have this thirst that cannot be quenched, and God sees this. He continues to give me more challenges, more families and people to serve, more love to give. It's phenomenal to see that when you love one person, it's hard. When you love five people, it becomes a little easier. When you open up your arms and love everyone (or try to) and welcome people into your life, come what may, the reward is more amazing that just assisting someone. My heart feels so full. When I closed up my life, when I was closed off to God and didn't care, I felt so empty. So alone. And everyday, every interaction was a struggle, a difficulty that I didn't want to do. But...

The Interruption:
Whenever we eat dinner, there is always at least one interruption - whether Isa spills something and needs a napkin or Teo throws his fork across the dining room or someone is at the door or Jose needs a refill of his drink...no matter what, it's unexpected and can be stressful, but we must take a moment to be thankful for even those small things because that means we are alive. Jose just returned home with the kids. First thing that Teo did was hit the power button on my laptop. How do kids know these things? Of the 100 buttons on the keyboard, he always hits the power button. I had a minor freak out, worried, as I tucked him in that everything written before now was lost. But, I changed him into his PJs, gave him his sippy and began to say bedtime prayers. As I peeked at him, halfway through, his sippy was at his side and his hands were folded together. When finishing, I said AMEN, and he echoed, "Mee Meen." Oh, how I love that booger. And, in case you didn't figure it out, my computer didn't shut down entirely with the click of the button, so all was not lost.

The Main Course, Continued:
Back to the meat and potatoes...Once our marriage hit it's rock bottom, once I realized that Jose and I could not carry this world alone and once we agreed that one of the necessary committments we needed to make was to find a church, God has carried us. He has changed my heart and he has changed Jose's heart. Before, if I had to work late, a fight ensued. Before, if one of us wanted to help someone financially or another way, a fight ensued. Before, if we discussed any Biblical topic, a fight ensued. Before, if one of us wanted to join some friends for the night, a fight ensued. Before, if finances were tight, a fight ensued. Now....the change is vast. Yes, we still argue. Yes, we still have struggles. But, it's different. Like a weight has been lifted. And all I want to do is share that with everyone I love, everyone I know, everyone I meet. No, I'm not a Bible thumper. No, I'm not going to force religion and God down your throat if I meet you in line at the grocery store. But, if you ask, my eyes will gain an extra sparkle and my speech will gain some speed and my passion will pour out of me.
     But, there's more to ministry and sharing God's love than asking them to join church or to pray for their salvation. Many people are not there yet in their journey. Maybe I understand this all too well. I graduated from college, a faith-based college, five years ago. I had a passion for God when I started there, but when I left, I just wanted to be done. It's not the school's fault. I just wasn't at a point where I felt that I needed God. Maybe it was my age. Maybe it was my relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years who had no faith. Maybe it was my rebellion against my mom. Or maybe it was my agression towards my father. Maybe it was my friends. Maybe it was my love for secular music and movies. Maybe it was a combination of all these things and more. Either way, I graduated, five months pregnant and was married to that boyfriend. Through the next four years, I thought about finding a church. But, it wasn't important. My daughter was born. I had a good job with continual raises and promotion. We moved. We got a car. We were "good" people. Why did we need God? Without Him, we were doing amazing things. We bought a house. We got another house. Jose had a stable job with awesome benefits. We were able to afford a vacation and we bought stuff. Our son was born on February 23rd.
     On April 6th, my husband began his physical affair after a lengthy emotional affair. I had my mom take the kids many weekends and I would escape life at the bar during the months after Teo was born. On May 5th, Jose told me. Certain circumstances led him to confess, although I am certain that guilt was not one of them. The consequences were grim. Through the days and nights of numbness, followed by stabbing pain and endless tears, I knew. I knew before May 5th. Many of those days and nights of numbness and pain occurred before the confession. Suddenly, like a slap in the face, I realized that without God, we were failing miserably. We couldn't keep our heads above water. We were like watching a train wreck in progress.
     I will never forget the reactions that came from friends and family. One such person was "shocked" because we had it all, including the "fenced in yard for the kids to play"...she was heartbroken for us, not because of what we were enduring, but because we had the perfect life according to our stuff - the house, yard, cars, clothes, possessions. Others were just amazed by how well we held it in until that point. Still others found no wrong in what happened, or gave Jose a manly pat on the back for accomplishing something that some men cannot.
     However, I know that if anyone had asked us, during those four years between college and the affair to join them at church or to accept God back into our lives, we would have kindly told them no. We were good people. We didn't need church. We didn't need God.
     One of the consequences that I required to attempt to fix our marriage and our life was Church. And, I won't lie, it wasn't because we needed God. At least, I didn't see that yet. I originally had the thought that if I got Jose to church, he would find new friends that had morals, friends that would call him out if he tried to cheat again. And it never once crossed my mind that I needed God, but of course, Jose did. I was utterly wrong. Growing up in a church didn't make me any better than Jose. Going out and getting drunk beyond comprehension every weekend didn't make me better than Jose. I can honestly say that if he hadn't cheated, he would have done something else, or I would have. If it wasn't an affair, it would have been drinking beyond control or finding relief in drugs or becoming suicidal. We were a wreck, but we were too blind, too "in control," too numb to see.
     So, if anyone asked us to join them at church or if anyone encouraged us to find God, we would have said "okay, okay," but we never would have taken the steps to actually do so. I mean, really, we were so "okay" and "fine" that we didn't need anything else.
     Sadly, it took everything crashing and burning for us to see that something needed to change. Unfortunately, we are not the only people who operate that way. And when doing ministry, it's always a guessing game. Often, when things are going well, people fail to see why they need religion, faith, and God. Othertimes, in other situations, when things are failing miserably, people fail to see how religion, faith, and God could possibly help them. So, when serving others, we cannot focus on salvation. We cannot serve them only dependant on them coming to church or joining a congregation or Bible study. So, when I speak to someone, when I serve, oftentimes, I barely mention faith aside from saying that I work for the church. By saying that, they know where I stand. I am not going to push religion on them and ruin any chance of relationship that may exist. Patience has shown me that there is always a time. And God will always provide the opportunity. By creating lasting relationships and by helping people with their immediate needs, I am acting out Christ's love. I am showing them God's heart without saying a word about religion. And I have seen, in my short time since reaffirming God as my God and Christ as my Savior, that when you love people like that, sooner or later, they start the conversation about faith. And that is more powerful than door-to-door ministry and outreach.
     In the past few months, I have seen more God-incidences and miracles that I can track. I have seen pain. I have hugged total strangers. I have given business cards to people in the weirdest circumstances. I have cried for these people. I have prayed and begged God on behalf of these people. I have met amazing workers, doing the task that God has given them whether it be counseling or housing or case work or serving in a factory. I have seen the hand of God in the world in a way that I never have seen before and all I had to do was to open my eyes and open my heart.
     Everyday, I yearn for this. I breathe for this. I love this and I want to serve God through the people as long as he grants me the ability to do so. I think about how blessed I am constantly. I think about how honored I am to have God allow me to do His work in such a small scale. I only pray that He gives me the words, the knowledge, the right thing at the right time, so that I'm not acting in a human means, but as more.
     I pray that God continues to carry me, my marriage, my family, my church, my pastor, my work, my friends, my acquaintances, my interactions to come together for His master plan. Because I cannot fathom doing anything differently than I do now. I cannot see anything else satisfying my hunger more than this does. And I am eager and anxious to see what God will bring to this ministry in the next year, or two years, or five years, or twenty-five years...This is the food I want to eat to be full.

The Dessert:
Chocolate chip cookies. They are my weakness. I cannot eat one without desiring another. I guess it's like this desire to serve. I get a taste of how hard and emotionally draining and stressful it can be, however, it is so glorious and rewarding, that I must go back for more. Fortunately, my position in life is not as fattening as cookies are.

Thank you for joining me for my meal. God bless.

This Old House

Let me begin with this intro: I love my husband. I swear I do. I love him dearly. But he is just not Tim the Tool Man Taylor. Nor does he come close sometimes.

Around 7:30 PM tonight, he retreated down into the basement, which we are in the lengthy process of finishing. So, drywalling the ceilings is one of the things we are in the midst of. Well, he decided that today would be the day to change the light fixture. To remove the crappy 1930 one and replace it with the awesome florescents that we removed from the kitchen when we moved in.

So, at 7:30, my television shuts off and my laptop stops charging. He shut off the power to the front side of the house. Yes, I could have just moved the laptop to the dining room and continued on, but I choose to talk on the phone. For two hours.

Around 9:30, he asks me to come downstairs. "Oooh, yay!" I thought to myself. "He's done!"

He is standing in front of a piece of drywall. He tells me that he's ready to put it on the ceiling. I ask if he checked the fixture. He said he did and it worked. So, we put up two pieces of drywall where the new light will go, right over the pool table.

(Let me just backtrack and say that this was an extremely uncomfortable feat, as I got the job of holding the drywall...while kneeling...on a slate pool table.)

Then, a little more work (aka, my husband supervising while I kneel on a pool table with a long florescent fixture carefully balanced on my shoulder and use both hands to connect wires while he hands me pliers and electrical tape) and the fixture is up. Before screwing it up on the ceiling, I asked if we should check it. "No, it'll work," he says. So we screw the fixture into the ceiling.

I finally am able to sit down and he goes over to the fuse box. He switches the switch. Darkness.

"Oh," he says, "The switch upstairs is off." So he goes and flips it. Darkness.

So, we look at the fixture. A wire is loose. He pushes it back into place and tries again. Darkness.

We put the old fixture up, thinking maybe the bulbs blew with all the wiggling we were doing. Darkness.

We proceeded to flip switches, check electrical currents, change bulbs, etc. Darkness.

We take the drywall back off the ceiling and undo the new wires, leaving just the old ones. Then we reattach the florescent fixture to the original wires (the same ones that allowed it to work the first time). Darkness.

Maybe the wrong wires are paired up. The old ones are both black, not the cool color coding we have now. So, we exchange them. Darkness.

So, we attach the original fixture to the original wires. Darkness.

We gave up for the night. And what do we have to show for it? The original fixture with original wires and a huge mess.

Ugh. Men.

Ugh. Houses.

My unintentional week.

This week, intentional time has been few and far between. Actually, anything intentional has possibly flewn out the window. Since the start of the week, we have been nothing but schedule changes, inconsistancies, and floops. What? You don't know what a floop is? Me either. It just sounds about right.

Monday's major event was registering Isa for school. She is official. Kindergarten starts in a couple weeks. Teachers are Ms. Smith and Sra. Frabel. We have a teacher conference next week to meet the teacher. I have already met Sra. Frabel and am not her largest fan, but maybe she will show me that she's a better teacher than my first impression. She's the one who evaluated Isa for early admission.

Monday also marked the end to our first 12 week series of 24/7 Dad. It was bittersweet. There were three guys who completed the course and through it all, we all grew fairly close. Now, to know that we will not be meeting once a week, was hard. But it was wonderful to hear them give their thoughts and opinions of how the class has affected their lives.

Tuesday was one of my days home with the kids. They simply drove me crazy. It was a very hot and muggy day. And with our lack of central air, it was difficult to keep the house cool enough for us not to go insane. The kids got the vibe, I'm sure, because they were extra nerve wrecking with their arguements and misbehavings. I survived. Barely. And when Jose got home, he helped Isa clean her room.

The agreement was if she cleaned her room, we could go to Chuck E. Cheese. I believe Jose saw the need for Chuck E. Cheese to calm my nerves and to cool us all down, so he cleaned with her to make it happen. We skipped the church softball game (which was their first win) and met my sister at Chuck E. Cheese, for a night of fun, food and cool air. When we returned home, both kids easily went to bed and my wits were restored.

Tuesday also marked the day when the neighbor, John, came knocking on my door, asking if we knew anyone who could use a couch, free. I had just taken Teo out of the bath, so I was slightly distracted by his naked butt running around the foyer as I spoke to John, so I just told him I'd check around. When I texted Jose, he reminded me that WE need a new couch. So, I went next door and asked if we could have it. By the end of the day, we got a new couch and a new recliner for our living room. The old chair returned to its lair in the basement and the couch is in the dining room waiting for a new home.

Wednesday was another work day. Meetings, meetings, meetings was the jist of it. Good meetings though. During the few moments that I was home, I recieved another knock at the door which led to the neighbor giving us a cabinet thing (like for an entry area), a chalk board, a large glass mirror, and a built in bar area (for the basement). Last night, we got it all downstairs and I believe I sweated about ten pounds of water off.

Today (Thursday) has also been very random.  The kids woke me up kinda early, so after breakfast, I allowed cartoons and play. Teo did basically every single thing he could have to get in trouble. Every time he was sent to timeout, he was giggling. So, by 9:45, he was sent up for a nap (usually, he goes down at 10). Now, at 11:45, he is still awake. Screaming. Throwing things. He is simply fighting sleep and his desire for independence and stubborn struggle has worn me down. I went up to calm him down about a half hour ago, and he ended up sitting in bed, giving milk from his sippy cup to each of his stuffed friends in his bed. Afterwards, he would lick them. (I have NO idea!) I have gotten to the point where it is now a battle of willpower, so I will not give in and let him out of his room without a nap. He is so tired. When I was up there, he kept rubbing his eyes, laying down and relaxing for a split second before he realized he was at ease, then tensing back up and starting to scream and cry again. The silence is lasting a little longer and longer each time now, so soon, he will be asleep, I hope.

Isa and I have dentist appointments at 2 PM. McKenzie and Scott with be babysitting Teo here for the short amount of time that we will be gone. I pray that he becomes a normal kid by then. I'll let you know...