God Made Me A Wounded Healer

As I am finishing up Father Fiction by Donald Miller, there is a concept that I have never heard or thought much about, until reading this book. And the more I have thought of it, the more intriguing it is.

Wounded Healer.
Wounded Healer.
Wounded Healer.
WOUNDED HEALER.

What is a wounded healer?

In an online article, it's defined as this:

"One important way of understanding illness, darkness and suffering is to see these states as processes by which an individual becomes a healer. Called the "wounded healer" paradigm, it is for many a process of initiation and of connection to a more expanded way of life. Of course, not everyone who enters difficult times becomes awakened by them. But for some who do, it is a process of metamorphosis. You may have your own personal history with this. You go through something very difficult. Perhaps it is a great physical or psychological illness, such as cancer or depression. Perhaps it is alcoholism or another addiction. It may be a great loss of an important relationship. You may even be called to the brink of death. And then something happens. You may hear voices speaking to you, telling you of the possibility of moving into another level of your life-or you may have another way of being "called." Something moves you into another stage of yourself, and your life changes. Your personality and interests change. You may be led to work with others to help uplift and heal them. You cannot go back to the life you once led. You are operating on an entirely new level."

And while I may not agree with other elements of the article or the posting website, the concept is there. And it's in the Father Fiction book, referring to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa, which was a group being brought together to listen to cases and attempt to reconcile the country. When asked who should serve on the commission, Bishop Desmond Tutu replied that it should consist of victims, people whose lives had been "ripped open by the horrors of oppression." But, he added, "Not arrogant victims, not people looking for vengeance, instead people who have the authority of awful experiences, experiences that educated them toward empathy, and yet have within themselves hearts willing to forgive." These people would be wounded healers.
Donald Miller wrote, "It makes you wonder, doesn't it, whether or not God calls specific people who have specific pain into the authority of empathy? Experience is, after all, the best education. We are the ones who will wrestle with security, who will overcome our fear of intimacy, who will learn the hard task of staying with a woman and our children, who will mentor others through the difficult journey of life, perhaps rescuing them from what we have been rescued." The entire concept is what has driven the book, which I am also reading and will be blogging through, called The Gutter.

I fully believe in this possibility, and more likely, the success that this can bring. I started my job at Anchor by teaching fatherhood classes. It's not that I'm not educated enough to teach them or that the concept was beyond my capabilities, but no matter how much I tried, I could not relate to the fathers on the level that is most necessary because I, despite every effort I may make, do not understand being a father from a first hand experience.

However, with my Community Connections position at the church, people come in seeking help and as they unwrap their life to me, I can relate to many of their situations. I know what it's like to grow up in a divorced home. I know what it's like to struggle with addiction firsthand and through my interactions with my dad. I know what it feels like to lose touch with my faith. To struggle through a marriage and give up. To survive an affair. To have a complicated family through remarriages. To have to eat peanut butter sandwiches and potpies for months. To live in a dangerous neighborhood. To cut my skin. To want to end it all. To be threatened. To be scared. To love someone who is hurting. To feel sexually violated. And I have been broken hearted as I help people I love deal with their lives. Suicide. Cancer. Heart defects. Death of a baby. Miscarriage. Unplanned pregnancy. Unwanted children. Child Abuse. Domestic Violence. Begging for food. Murder. Drug use. Drug sale. Prison. Losing custody. Emotional abuse. Learning disabilities. Mental illness. Problems with school. Dropping out. Foster homes. Adoption. Stealing. Juvenile Hall. Being shot at. Rape. Molestation. And the list goes on and on. I can connect to them in a very different way because I have a connection to what they are going through.

And, that's the value of overcoming the Gutter...you can go back and help other people out too. So, I am thankful that God has given me a large range of trials and hurts and pains to overcome. And I am so very grateful that he has brought me through those things, stronger, with a love for Him, and a passion to serve others who are going through it.

So, what a great segway into the next batch of blog posts about my reading...stay tuned!

We Are Nothing More Than Fish On The Shore

One of the very last chapters in Father Fiction is about empathy, but the part that speaks to me the most is about spiritulity. And I love this line:

"What really led me to spirituality was the desire to believe I was human and that being human mattered."

Isn't that what a lot of us are struggling for? That belief that we are WORTH something. That we matter. I know that it's a common thought in my mind. The whole belief that I am just one more person on this overpopulated planet. I don't matter. I mean nothing. If I die today, who will care in ten years? My kids? My husband? But the world won't stop spinning. Books won't be written about me. Everyone will continue on with their lives. And I want them to, but I also would like to think that I meant enough, that I was worth enough that I won't just disappear into dust. But, that's the part of me that is not grasping the infinite life that really matters. When I die here, I won't live on in the minds of others forever. The world will not shake upon my death. Time will not stop. I am nothing more than human. But, the other part of me must remember that my life here is temporary and is not the important element. It's my death that will bring my eternal life, that when I die, what happens on earth isn't important. It's what happens in my afterlife. There will be great celebrations and parties and joy in heaven. That's what matters.

"Sometimes a human life can seem no more meaningful than a fish flopping on a shore. Writhing. Out of its elements. And I would love to tell you that the real problem in life is we believe we are writhing when we aren't, but that's not true. My spirituality, that is Christian spirituality, doesn't tell me to close my eyes and pretend life is beautiful and there are no problems to confront. I'm told, instead, I am out of the water, and if I want't to find water again, I must go in search of a different kind of water. All of us have been washed on the shore. We all have issues, we are all broken. The brokenness we experience, the brokenness that mingles in our DNA, is a kind of fallout from the fall of man. Men and women are made to be in a relationship with God, but because of the fall of man, we aren't."

Purpose of life, the MAIN purpose of life, is not to become famous, or a great political leader, or to write a hundred books, or gain a million friends, or to touch the life of everyone you come in contact with. (Although some people are called to do that and that is what God planned for their life. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just not everyone's calling. And it is not the main purpose.) The main purpose of life is to rebuild that relationship with God, and the death and resurrection of Christ made that possible. It does not matter what you do or do not accomplish in humanly terms; but what matters is your relationship with the Creator.

And, because of various situations, that relationship is easier for some and tougher for others. And trials and temptations shake the foundation and you sometimes question Him, you curse Him, you scream out "WHY?! How could you do this to me? How could you allow this to happen?!" and that's okay. But, remaining strong and focused on building that relationship is what really matters.

"I think we are all looking for this quick fix, but relationships don't work that way. We step into them in faith, and they grow stronger, they change us."

A relationship with God is no exception. It's a leap of faith, but over time, over trials and their resolution, over questions and tears, it becomes a stronger relationship. And, through it, we change for the better.

I No Longer Want Normal and Boring.

About three weeks ago, I cried out and begged to be boring, to have a boring life. To be mundane and normal. After bad weather and sickness and a kidney infection and a whole list of things that were unplanned and disrupted my idea of what needed to happen, I was frustrated and just needed normalacy and for life to be calm and quiet.

Then, I got some texts and calls that showed me that life was not going to be "normal" soon.  I had a week between the three kids where I was unable to do much work hours at all. I became frustrated and grumpy. All I wanted was calm and quiet, not more and more insanity. The icing on the cake was that we were throwing my sons birthday party this past weekend. I didn't even want to celebrate. I grew so bitter and angry. Why me? And despite the posts that I had written about self-pity, I felt some of it deep inside me.

We got swept into a life of crazyness, and none of it was our own doing. We didn't create the situation bringing my nephew into our house. We didn't make the kids get sick or make the snow/ice cover the streets, cancelling school. We didn't infect our babysitter. And all of this happened right after I cried out for God to make our life peaceful. We got arguements, grumpiness, sadness, tears, temper tantrums, mean and angry texts and phone calls, screaming matches with my husband, etc.

But, I have been posting about how these things, these times of struggle, bring us closer to God. And then, I just read this:

"The Franciscan priest Richard Rohr points out that Native Americans have a tradition of leaving a blemish in one corner of the rug they are weaving because they believe that's where the spirit enters. I can relate to the rugs. I want desparately for things to go 'how they're supposed to.' Which is another way of saying 'how I want them to,' which is another way of saying 'according to my plan.' And that, as we all know, isn't how it works. But it's in that disappointment, in that confusion, in that pain - the pain that comes from things not going how I wanted them to - that I find the same thing happening, again and again. I come to the end of myself, to the end of my power, the end of my strength, the end of my understanding, only to find in that place of powerlessness a strength and peace that weren't there before. I keep discovering that it's in the blemish that the Spirit enters." [an excerpt from the book Drops Like Stars by Rob Bell]

Ok, so crap. Seriously, in the margin, I wrote, "Holy crap. This is me. This is my life."

I desparately want boring, but I cannot grow with boredom like I can through struggling. It's like that muscle analogy that I posted about earlier this week with the Father Fiction book. (See, it really is surrounding me.) I need to have those places in my life where I am weak, where I am imperfect, where the Holy Spirit can enter into me and my life.

Otherwise, we return to that place where we are bored. Where we were before the affair when we become so "comfortable" that we no longer try, that we give up, that we do not struggle and turn to God and fight our battles, but where we are so numb that we don't move forward.

"If we aren't careful, our success and security and abundance can lead to a certain sort of boredom, a numbing predictability, a paralyzing indifference that comes from being too comfortable...Death by wallpaper and flooring." [Also an excerpt from Drops Like Stars.]

So, I may need to change my prayers and my plea and my cry for my life. I don't want to be boring and dull and comfortable. But, if God feels like He can ease my load a little, I'm okay with that...hehe. But, I need to continually remember to chose to to look at my trials and struggles as opportunity, not punishment.

Work: Do It For The Right Reasons

In Father Fiction, the chapter on work ethic has a couple of excellent points that are worth remembering. And, since I'm severely struggling with work this week (with my hours and scheduling: Monday there was a sick Isa, Tuesday was a snow day, I worked Tuesday night and Wednesday, and today, my sitter has pink eye so I have Teo home with me.) So, here ya we go...in a nice bulleted fashion.

• "It isn't about what you don't get done; it about what you do get done."

Ahhh, so my to do list of incomplete items is okay? That the world won't end when I am required to be a mom first? That I can continue next week without feeling like I have failed this week?

Maybe this isn't just about work, but applies to life as a whole. When I die (or when you die) will the memorial and the pastor talk endlessly about my life shortcomings. Could you imagine the memorial service: "We are here to mourn the death, and the life, of Carla Sue. She didn't ever sky dive or bungee jump or white water raft, well, she did white water raft when she was like 12 years old, but not after that. She never climbed Mt. Everest, or any other mountain for that matter. She traveled the nation as a kid, but after becoming an adult and paying her own bills, she became fairy localized." And so forth and so on.

This one point, says so much to me and is something that I need to remain focused on.

• "Work isn't punishment; it's reward."

Ooooohhhh. I grew up listening to my mom and dad and stepdad complain about their jobs. They all worked in jobs that they had to "settle" for due to their circumstances, but when push came to shove, they were content and happy to have jobs, to be able to work, to have the strength and the health. And now, that I'm an adult, I have had to learned similar lessons. However, I have been extra blessed to be able to attend college and obtain a degree to allow me to work in an area that I love, and I have been fortunate enough to land in a job (now) that I am in love with.

But, it's so much more than that. Working is so much more than being able to do it, being capable and healthy. And it leads into the next point:

• "Work exists for a lot of reasons. God worked. he created the earth and the cosmos. We work to participate in the God life, to imitate God. That's also why we take a Sabbath. Work is one of the ways we engage in life, one of the ways we participate. It's important. The Bible says that whatever we do, whatever work we do, we do it unto the Lord, to please Him."

Anything I do, if I do it for selfish reasons,will be wrong. I must work to be selfless. Didja get that? If you work to get recognition or praise, you will be unhappy. The only way to work and be truely happy, is to work for God.

• "It taught me to take great pride in what I do, to offer people more than what they expect, to do work as unto the Lord."

So, is it better to do 50 million things and do them, pardon my language, half-assed, or to do 50 things and do them to the best of your ability and beyond, to go the extra mile to take care of the people you work with and work for. If you are cutting grass and they ask you to just cut the grass, but you notice that a bush really needs trimming and is over running the sidewalk, take a few moments to cut it. Or if you are waiting tables, and the people you are serving are cranky and all you want to do is snap on them, take a few deep breaths and instead yelling, go and be the best damn waiter that you can be. Or, if you are a banker or a lawyer or a warehouse worker or a seamstress or a cashier or a public servant, be sure to smile and do your job the best you can for the people that you encounter. No matter what you do, do it 200% and do it as if you are working for God, not for mankind.

• "Work is worship."

Period. How can you argue against that?

[Side note: If you need to go through and re-read it, go ahead. But, there is not one mention in this entire post about money. Yes, this is a blog post about work and there is nothing about money. You can figure out the importance of that yourself.]

What Would You Do?

We don't recieve the newspaper. I have never ordered it because I know that I would not have time to read them, they would pile up and eventually, just be tossed out. However, this morning, as we headed to get the kids to the sitter and school, Isa was overjoyed by the bright orange bag containing the newspaper on our front step.

I just walked over it in my attempt to keep Mateo from jumping in large mud puddles.

But, when I returned home, a line on the front page caught my eye. "How Can People Be So Heartless?" so, I picked it up. I came inside, got comfy and opened it to the article, which I have linked for you here.

Has being a Samaritan fallen by the wayside? The Journal Gazette Fort Wayne, IN

It almost made me cry. Are we so busy that we cannot stop and help a person for a few moments get on their feet? What would I do?

Often, I am the "second guesser" in these situations. I see a car accident, and about a block later, think, "Man, I really should have stopped." But instead, I just call 911. I see a person who is struggling and a few moments later wonder, "Did they need help?" but assume that by the time I would circle around, they would be done, so I continue on.

Has that changed for me? Now that I have a more flexible schedule, would I take a moment to stop. Yes. Probably. I would like to think so, at least.

We like to watch certain shows on television, and one of them had a "What would you do?" type scenerio where there was a person in the park, on the ground sobbing. The biggest measure of if a person would stop or not wasn't their faith or their background, wasn't being male or female, old or young...the biggest measure was if they were on a time constraint. Wow. It is not worth being late for work or an appointment to stop and help another human being.

I am trying to make a stronger effort to be available (however, retain my boundaries that I am building) and to never hesitate to take a few moments of my time to give to someone who is truely in need. For me, that's a really fine line to walk, but I want to walk it.

What do you think of the article? Have you ever been faced with a similar situation? What did you do?

The Church: Causing People To Run Away?

I am by no means well educated in theology. I am, however, educated in psychology.

I have never ran a church and have worked in ministry for less than a year. I didn't study for this. I never saw this in my future. I did however grow up in a church.

I have seen too many people run away from God. I have seen too many people run away from Christ. And I have seen too many people run away from the Church.

What about this makes people run and hide and turn their backs on even the idea of being a Christian? Often, too often, when you ask "Why don't you go to church anymore?" they answer honestly. And it seems to consistantly point back to an individual or a group of individuals who hurt them.

So what do we, as church-goers, do? What should a pastor do to end this cycle? Why is it so hard for people within church walls to admit that they have done wrong? I do not know a single person who has been perfect in life or perfect in faith. And, I know that I surely am not.

I smoke. I curse far too much. I have anger problems, especially against my husband. Sometimes, I'm unfair with my children. I hold a grudge against friends. I get pissed at God. I blame my parents for me being screwed up. I allow myself to be used and abused, then I get mad for it. I am judgemental against people making bad decisions. I had sex before I was married. I drank underage. The list goes on and on and on. I am sinful. And I am fallen.

I am by no means a perfect Christian, but it scares me to think that we are causing people, hurting people, people that are struggling, people that need faith, to run from the church instead of running to it.

What needs to change?

Life Lessons From A Game: Strategy, Patience, Losing.

In Father Fiction by Donald Miller, in the chapter about making decisions, Donald talks about a man named Salome Thomas-El who was a middle school principal in Philly. In one of his projects, Mr. El used chess to teach students the art of making good decisions.

Donald Miller, influnced by this wonderful man, decided to partake in playing chess and in his book, reflects upon the lessons that he learned from the game:

Lesson 1: Strategy.
When he began playing, Donald didn't have a strategy and found that he was consistantly losing. But once he set up some strategy plans and began to move one piece while thinking of the future pieces, he saw more and more success. In applying this to real life, he recognized that setting goals and having a long-term vision was simple, but allowed him to think through his current moves in life to ensure that he was moving towards his end goals. When you lack vision and goals, you end up wandering aimlessly. How often have you left the house to go somewhere, without a clear idea of where you planned to go, and end up wasting more time driving (or walking) around trying to plan your trip than if you just took a few moments before leaving the house to plan where you were going? Life is like that. You need a strategy.

Lesson 2: Patience.
When Donald began playing chess, he would see an awesome move and quickly take it, not sitting back for a moment or two to think it through. Within a couple of moves, he began to recognize that, although it seemed like a great move at the time, it ended up hurting his game overall. So, he began to take more time to think things through, and he began to see more and more success. In chess, as in life, the temptation to react is strong. "Reacting without thinking never, ever works." He elaborates and states that "the trick is to stick with your strategy, no matter what your emotions are telling you to do." How many times have I reacted to someone or something in life without thinking, only to realize that it was a setback in the long run? I mean, honestly, I can point out numerous errs of life, large and small, that can be contributed to this. And although they have always worked out once I regained focus, they took me farther off my path than I hoped. I lost sight of strategy and followed my emotions.

Similarly, in life, on a smaller scale, if you are frustrated by a situation or a person in your life, reacting without thinking is never successful. It will take friendships, marriages, jobs, relationships, etc. back to a less trusting, less loving, less positive place. And although, it can be repaired, it cannot be undone. Donald states, "After a while, you realize that by walking away, by not getting angry, you are winning, moving ahead, and you get addicted to it. You get used to acting wisely and you like it."

Lesson 3: Learn How To Lose.
"Wisdom only increases your chances of success. The truth is, we aren't always going to win." So, as in chess, with life, you will fail. Even winners fail. In every war, battle, football game, no one side or team or country wins all the way around. Even those who win in the long run have failure along the lines. But, it's what you do with failure that matters. If you accept it, even expect it, and know that small failures can occur leading up to a large win, you are set to continue on. If you know that you still have a chance, no matter how bleak it may look, you can continue towards your goals and reach your vision.

Donald includes this in the chapter, "Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, sit down with myself and explain that things were going to be okay, that everybody loses ground sometimes and it doesn't mean anything. It's just the way life works. [When you fail], you lose sight of the big picture - the fact that life has a beautiful way of remaking itself every few weeks."

*  *  *

These three lessons are HUGE lessons that I need to remember in my life. And as I continue to age, I realize that I am not alone in my struggles, so I'm sure that many of you could use these lessons too. In closing his chapter, Donald Miller adds that one place that will help with learning to make decisions would be the book of Proverbs in the Bible...I think I will be adding this to my reading list for the next few months.

What is one life lesson that you remember every day that helps you move towards success?

Do You Do What You Say? Do You Practice What You Preach?

In reading The Gutter by Craig Gross, I have continually been challenged to step up and step out in my faith.

If you are a Christian, at any stage of your walk, and want to learn how to live out Christ's love, this book is a definite recommendation from me.

As many of you know, I am a go-go-go kinda person. I am a doer, not a sayer. I back up most of what I say I will do by actually doing it. And doing it above and beyond what I said.

This book challenges me still.

I SAY I am a Christian, but am I BEING a Christian?

What does it mean to BE a Christian?

As a follower of Christ, shouldn't we actually follow His actions? Shouldn't we mock his life and his love, above praying for people? Why are we so afraid to serve?

The Gutter points out that in Mark 16:15, right before the Ascension, Jesus tells his disciples to "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation."

So what? This is a common church verse. We don't even think of it anymore. But what the author points out is that often we lose touch with the simplicity and the meaning. We dig deeper and deeper and lose sight of this fact:

"When Jesus said 'Go', what he meant was, 'Go.' "

Uhhh. Yea. Then why do we not?

The world is scary!

And Jesus went beyond saying "Go unto all your friends" or "Go into your church"...what He said was "Go into ALL THE WORLD." That means everyone, including those you are least comfortable with.

How many of us will walk into a homeless shelter and love the people there in a Christlike manner? How many will speak to the beggar on the street? How many of us Christians will sit down for coffee with a crack addict, or worse a prostitute to show them love?

Or harder yet, how many of us can invite over an enemy for dinner and forgive them wholeheartedly? Or, can write off the sins of our parents against us for good? Or can forgive our spouse for that indiscretion? Or will return to face a pastor or a family member or a boss after being damaged by their words or actions? And then, how many of us will love them?

Why is it so hard? Why is it so scary? Because we are humans and we are weak, we are scared. But, we are Christians.

Craig Gross writes, "If you're a follower of Christ, the Spirit is in you and wants to help get God's gifts out of you and into the real world. God promised He'd give you the power. It won't always be easy out there, and you'll have your share of setbacks and frustrations, but god will always be there with you, giving you the power to keep going."

Then he goes one step further and writes, "Stop being so weak. God did not create you to be a scared, irrelevant Christian. Why can't you do this? What's holding you back if you know what God's Word says and you know what He's capable of doing? Whywhywhy?! Stop being afraid of the gutter and just go get in it. The world looks at the Church and sees a bunch of people too afraid to approach them."

I have been reminded time and time again by this book to step out of my comfort zone and do more. I challenge you to do the same...

What is one thing you can do this week to "Go into all the world and preach the good news?"

HeARTworks, Working From the Heart

I know I shouldn't be blogging. It's three minutes until midnight. I really have nothing to say...but, yet I do.

I have been working on art. Paintins to be exact. That's what the name for the gift card tins is.

As of this exact moment, I have about 20 orders. Of those, I have about 7 done. lol. But, I just started last night. I have created another blog for the art "business" that I am working to establish. This includes the murals and the Paintins so far. As of now, there's not much on the page. It is midnight, by the way. I will work to incorporate all the projects I do onto this blog for portfolio sake.

I also look forward to painting mini-murals in the church nursery soon. And I have a mom friend needing a small job. This may be the start of something beautiful. :) It keeps me awake at night. And it's a nice balance to the other jobs that I hold. When you put them all together, it's like a full time job, but way better because I can do all the things I love in each element. Yay!

As of now, my ideal weekly schedule will be this: 15 hours of Community Connections Director for Anchor, 10 (9 starting in January) hours of Fatherhood Coordinator for the Fort Wayne Fatherhood Coalition, 5 hours of Program Promotion (Marketing) for the Fort Wayne Fatherhood Coalition, and 10 hours of HeARTworks Painting. That equals a full time job of 40 hours per week. And, it ties all the things I love and am passionate about: serving people, helping, loving them, coordinating and facilitating things, making flyers and publications, and painting!

A year ago, I could have never imagined this...how AMAZING is our God?!

This Little Light of Mine...

I'm in the midst of reading a book I cannot put down. "The Gutter" by Craig Gross. This dude was one of the guys who created XXXChurch - a phenomenal ministry.

As we all know, I made a transition from working in a strictly non-religious non-profit organization to working in a program and ministry-based position at my church. I went to a Christian college and have grown up within church, but am fairly clueless how to do ministry. But I have love and passion, so we're running with that.

I picked up The Gutter from the library last week. Grabbed it yesterday to begin reading. Got to chapter 3 and decided that I cannot read it without taking notes and highlighting pages, so invested in a copy from Amazon. Bought Pastor Tim a copy too. It's wonderful and insightful and causes me to think deeply, hence the blog because thinking = writing = blogging.

There's a line that JUMPED from the pages into my head. I immediately had to share it with Jamie, who then posted it on facebook, beating me to the status update...It is so simple, yet so true:

"Don't blame the dark for being dark. Blame the light for not shining on the dark."

Whoa. Okay. Stop right there! Stop scrolling. Center this image and the text on your page and read it again. Slowly. And once more.....do you feel that? The feeling of responsibility? I feel it...

There we are, asking why things are going on in the world around us. We each have our metaphorical gutter, and yet, we sit in our cushy church and hang out with our cushy friends and never get our hands dirty. And by saying "we," I really mean Christians as a whole. Not like me and you (my reader), although if you feel a twinge of guilt, GOOD. (I feel that twinge too...) So, like my old pastor used to say, "So what?" What good does it do to recognize a fact, a statistic, a truth if we have no intention of doing anything about it.

Step 1: Find my gutter(s) and reach them. I know some of them: dads in jail, poverty, crappy fathers, alcoholism, single mothers, marital affairs, self esteem issues in young women, self mutilation in teens. I have lived through these things. Some of these, I still fight with myself. But these are issues that I get my feathers ruffled about. These are the things that make my heart pump quicker and that make my soul cry out.

Step 2: Figure out what to do. This is where I am now. I can find the statistics:

• In 2007, an estimated 744,200 state and federal prisoners in the United States were fathers to 1,599,200 children under the age of 18.
• In my dear city, 12.5% of the population and 9.6% of families are below the poverty line. Out of the total population, 17.5% of those under the age of 18.
• Nearly 22% of American children are in fatherless homes. There are numerous statistics including suicide rates, behavioral disorders, substance abuse rates, and criminal rates attached to these children.
• The World Health Organization estimates that there are 140 million alcoholics worldwide.
• In 2006, 12.9 million families in the U.S. were headed by a single-parent, 80% of which were headed by a female. Since 1994, the percentage of US households headed by a single parent has remained steady at around nine percent, although it has nearly doubled since 1970.
• Durex's Global Sex Survey has found that worldwide 22% of people surveyed have had extramarital sex.
• 92% of the young women in the USA want to change some aspect of their physical appearance.
• Self-mutilation affects nearly one percent of people in the U.S. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to self-mutilation, with girls being four times more likely to self harm than boys. Over ten percent of teenagers are thought to have at least experimented with self-mutilation.

So what? What do I do now, knowing my gutter? Knowing where I can relate to people in dark places, I'm not quite sure yet, but know that this will not rest within me.

This I know for sure: I want to fear shining my light. I know that if I am in the darkness, shining my light bright, and Satan poofs it out, God is standing at my side with the zippo already open. Before the flame is even gone, he has it lit again. And I want to share that light with those people who do not get to see it because they are in their darkness. Don't you?