Work: Do It For The Right Reasons

In Father Fiction, the chapter on work ethic has a couple of excellent points that are worth remembering. And, since I'm severely struggling with work this week (with my hours and scheduling: Monday there was a sick Isa, Tuesday was a snow day, I worked Tuesday night and Wednesday, and today, my sitter has pink eye so I have Teo home with me.) So, here ya we go...in a nice bulleted fashion.

• "It isn't about what you don't get done; it about what you do get done."

Ahhh, so my to do list of incomplete items is okay? That the world won't end when I am required to be a mom first? That I can continue next week without feeling like I have failed this week?

Maybe this isn't just about work, but applies to life as a whole. When I die (or when you die) will the memorial and the pastor talk endlessly about my life shortcomings. Could you imagine the memorial service: "We are here to mourn the death, and the life, of Carla Sue. She didn't ever sky dive or bungee jump or white water raft, well, she did white water raft when she was like 12 years old, but not after that. She never climbed Mt. Everest, or any other mountain for that matter. She traveled the nation as a kid, but after becoming an adult and paying her own bills, she became fairy localized." And so forth and so on.

This one point, says so much to me and is something that I need to remain focused on.

• "Work isn't punishment; it's reward."

Ooooohhhh. I grew up listening to my mom and dad and stepdad complain about their jobs. They all worked in jobs that they had to "settle" for due to their circumstances, but when push came to shove, they were content and happy to have jobs, to be able to work, to have the strength and the health. And now, that I'm an adult, I have had to learned similar lessons. However, I have been extra blessed to be able to attend college and obtain a degree to allow me to work in an area that I love, and I have been fortunate enough to land in a job (now) that I am in love with.

But, it's so much more than that. Working is so much more than being able to do it, being capable and healthy. And it leads into the next point:

• "Work exists for a lot of reasons. God worked. he created the earth and the cosmos. We work to participate in the God life, to imitate God. That's also why we take a Sabbath. Work is one of the ways we engage in life, one of the ways we participate. It's important. The Bible says that whatever we do, whatever work we do, we do it unto the Lord, to please Him."

Anything I do, if I do it for selfish reasons,will be wrong. I must work to be selfless. Didja get that? If you work to get recognition or praise, you will be unhappy. The only way to work and be truely happy, is to work for God.

• "It taught me to take great pride in what I do, to offer people more than what they expect, to do work as unto the Lord."

So, is it better to do 50 million things and do them, pardon my language, half-assed, or to do 50 things and do them to the best of your ability and beyond, to go the extra mile to take care of the people you work with and work for. If you are cutting grass and they ask you to just cut the grass, but you notice that a bush really needs trimming and is over running the sidewalk, take a few moments to cut it. Or if you are waiting tables, and the people you are serving are cranky and all you want to do is snap on them, take a few deep breaths and instead yelling, go and be the best damn waiter that you can be. Or, if you are a banker or a lawyer or a warehouse worker or a seamstress or a cashier or a public servant, be sure to smile and do your job the best you can for the people that you encounter. No matter what you do, do it 200% and do it as if you are working for God, not for mankind.

• "Work is worship."

Period. How can you argue against that?

[Side note: If you need to go through and re-read it, go ahead. But, there is not one mention in this entire post about money. Yes, this is a blog post about work and there is nothing about money. You can figure out the importance of that yourself.]

Secrets of Nonprofit Life

In the last five years, I have been blessed to tell people that I work at a nonprofit. Sometimes, they understand (usually because they have worked at a nonprofit at one time or another), but often, I get the look of confusion...So, I have compiled a list of things that people don't know about working at a nonprofit:

1. Some nonprofits are awesome. Some are not. Right now, I feel like I am at one of the best nonprofits (our church) that I have ever seen. The respect that I recieve from the pastor is beyond anything I could have expected.

2. There is rarely a clear and organized structure of power. There is an Executive Director (and possibly other directors) and a Board. It often gets tricky as to whom in in charge of what. This leads to some confusion for staff and the community when it comes to making large decisions.

3. Just because they have budgets does not mean they have money. Nonprofit means just that...at the end of the fiscal year, they make no profit from the work that they do. Every penny is spoken for.

4. Being a nonprofit that is considered a charity does not mean that we are required to give you a handout. You should still treat us with respect and know that we can say no to helping you. With that being said, we really do want to serve you, to help you overcome your barriers and to see you succeed. But sometimes, success does not come in the form of a check. However, most often, we really just do not have the means to help (See #3.)

5. Just because it looks like a desk job doesn't mean it is. I know plenty of people who work at a nonprofit and put in tons of hours of physical labor. Often, we don't hire movers because we don't have the money. We do a lot of our own IT work, maintenance work, cleaning work, lawncare, etc. In my old job, I serviced the elevators, went up on the roof to work on the air conditioners, salted sidewalks, had my husband mow the lawn, cooked for kids, etc. I was the IT person, as well as the one who got the call when the alarm system went off. Just last week, at my job now, the pastor was snow blowing the sidewalk. It happens all the time, which feeds into #9.

6. More often than not, we are also the printers. That means that all brochures, flyers, and business cards are made, folded, and cut by us. Also, the mailings that you get, those are usually folded and stuffed by staff and volunteers. In the last five years, I have cut and/or folded over a million publications, I am certain. So, please be kind if there is a misprint, a misspelling, or a crooked fold.

7. Just because a place calls itself a nonprofit doesn't mean it is. Nonprofits are required to be registered with the state and are a real entity. Often, they have .org at the end of their web address, but they don't have to. And, many (but not all) can be checked with the Better Business Bureau. Just because they say they are a nonprofit, doesn't mean they are legit.


8. People who work at nonprofits generally spend half their time figuring out exactly what their job entails and the other half of the time doing it. Often, training is non-existant or consists of "here are some binders, read them and look through your office and when you're done, ask me any questions that you have." Additionally, policies and job descriptions change a lot at nonprofits. When you are operating using money that is donated or granted, they change the rules, so you change the rules. Fortunately, it seems to be betterment most of the time. So, if we say "I don't know" or "Let me ask so-and-so first" to something that seems like a very simple question, we probably really don't know.

9. There is usually twice as much work as there is staff to do the work. That means that sometimes, your phone call will get lost, your email will be unanswered, and your meeting may be forgotten. We are human beings. However, we have not forgotten you. And we are okay if you call, email or contact us again. However, if you try more than three or four times, we either haven't gotten to you yet and we have you on our to-do list, or we are ignoring you, but 99% of the time, we just haven't found the time. I promise.

10. People that work in nonprofits do so because they care. They do not make big money. No one begins working in nonprofits to climb the ladder or get rich or gain power. We are all just trying to serve people. However, like many other jobs, sometimes, people get worn down and tired. Nonprofit workers may grow exhausted more quickly than others, depending on the circumstances. It's called compassion fatigue. Please, give us the benefit of the doubt. We are often being called to do twenty things at once and we want to serve will all our hearts, but it can be tough.

So, hopefully, you now have just a slightly better idea of what goes on within the nonprofit world. Like many other industries, there is good and there is bad, there is easy and there is hard, but often people have the wrong opinion of what goes on at nonprofits. I have heard numerous people state that it's all a scam, that in nonprofits, people just pocket all the money donated, that it's all politics, etc. And, in some nonprofits, it may be true, but there is so much more that goes on...



My unintentional week.

This week, intentional time has been few and far between. Actually, anything intentional has possibly flewn out the window. Since the start of the week, we have been nothing but schedule changes, inconsistancies, and floops. What? You don't know what a floop is? Me either. It just sounds about right.

Monday's major event was registering Isa for school. She is official. Kindergarten starts in a couple weeks. Teachers are Ms. Smith and Sra. Frabel. We have a teacher conference next week to meet the teacher. I have already met Sra. Frabel and am not her largest fan, but maybe she will show me that she's a better teacher than my first impression. She's the one who evaluated Isa for early admission.

Monday also marked the end to our first 12 week series of 24/7 Dad. It was bittersweet. There were three guys who completed the course and through it all, we all grew fairly close. Now, to know that we will not be meeting once a week, was hard. But it was wonderful to hear them give their thoughts and opinions of how the class has affected their lives.

Tuesday was one of my days home with the kids. They simply drove me crazy. It was a very hot and muggy day. And with our lack of central air, it was difficult to keep the house cool enough for us not to go insane. The kids got the vibe, I'm sure, because they were extra nerve wrecking with their arguements and misbehavings. I survived. Barely. And when Jose got home, he helped Isa clean her room.

The agreement was if she cleaned her room, we could go to Chuck E. Cheese. I believe Jose saw the need for Chuck E. Cheese to calm my nerves and to cool us all down, so he cleaned with her to make it happen. We skipped the church softball game (which was their first win) and met my sister at Chuck E. Cheese, for a night of fun, food and cool air. When we returned home, both kids easily went to bed and my wits were restored.

Tuesday also marked the day when the neighbor, John, came knocking on my door, asking if we knew anyone who could use a couch, free. I had just taken Teo out of the bath, so I was slightly distracted by his naked butt running around the foyer as I spoke to John, so I just told him I'd check around. When I texted Jose, he reminded me that WE need a new couch. So, I went next door and asked if we could have it. By the end of the day, we got a new couch and a new recliner for our living room. The old chair returned to its lair in the basement and the couch is in the dining room waiting for a new home.

Wednesday was another work day. Meetings, meetings, meetings was the jist of it. Good meetings though. During the few moments that I was home, I recieved another knock at the door which led to the neighbor giving us a cabinet thing (like for an entry area), a chalk board, a large glass mirror, and a built in bar area (for the basement). Last night, we got it all downstairs and I believe I sweated about ten pounds of water off.

Today (Thursday) has also been very random.  The kids woke me up kinda early, so after breakfast, I allowed cartoons and play. Teo did basically every single thing he could have to get in trouble. Every time he was sent to timeout, he was giggling. So, by 9:45, he was sent up for a nap (usually, he goes down at 10). Now, at 11:45, he is still awake. Screaming. Throwing things. He is simply fighting sleep and his desire for independence and stubborn struggle has worn me down. I went up to calm him down about a half hour ago, and he ended up sitting in bed, giving milk from his sippy cup to each of his stuffed friends in his bed. Afterwards, he would lick them. (I have NO idea!) I have gotten to the point where it is now a battle of willpower, so I will not give in and let him out of his room without a nap. He is so tired. When I was up there, he kept rubbing his eyes, laying down and relaxing for a split second before he realized he was at ease, then tensing back up and starting to scream and cry again. The silence is lasting a little longer and longer each time now, so soon, he will be asleep, I hope.

Isa and I have dentist appointments at 2 PM. McKenzie and Scott with be babysitting Teo here for the short amount of time that we will be gone. I pray that he becomes a normal kid by then. I'll let you know...

Thought Provoking - Thoughts Needed

I have been toying with a few ideas in my head, but am unsure of how to work them into reality. At some point last week, I went to pick up a freecycle posting for paint. The woman said that they had gallons of paint (some brand new, some half full, some nearly empty) up for grabs. I grabbed them in hopes for using them for a mural in the basement. I sent her a couple of photos of Teo's room just for fun and she said that people would pay lots of money for paintings like that.

I have thought about it before, offering to do murals and such, for a small amount of pocket money, but wouldn't have a clue what to charge or how to go about doing anything like that.

Then, yesterday, my mom said that a coworker of hers wanted to know what I would charge for a drawing that she could frame and hang in her nursery of a jungle theme. I don't have a clue what to charge! I would love to do it, but do not know what those would be worth. Basically, she wants a colored pencil drawing approx. 10 x 12 inches. My mom showed her photos of Teo's bedroom and of a drawing I made my mom for Christmas one year.

So, what should I do? Should I try to market my art, either as murals or framed art to match up a room? How does one do that? How much would you pay for personalized art and/or a mural?

Homeownership = Never Ending Projects

Jose is home this week for vacation. What does that mean? Rest? No. Relaxation? No. Fun in the sun? No. Ok, maybe a little bit.

More than anything, it means projects. House projects. Yard projects. More projects than we have time to do. We have already reached the halfway point and are only one-millionth of the way done with what we hoped to achieve.

The two large projects of his vacation are:
1. Make a basketball court.
2. Build a mulch box area around the playset.

What we have done so far:
1. Dug out the area for the basketball court.
2. Put the frame for concrete in around the basketball court.
3. Laid the first of three or four sections of concrete for the court.
4. Moved the playset to the corner of the yard.

What we still need to do:
1. Finish concrete sections.
2. Put a layer of fine (not rocky) concrete on top.
3. Make a backboard.
4. Mount the hoop and board.
5. Buy a net.
6. Remove the electric wiring for the garage that runs above the soon-to-be hoop.
7. (Someday) Re-wire the garage. It doesn't have working electricity now, so taking down the wires won't matter.
8. Dig out a small area around the playset.
9. Build the box around the play area.
10. Figure out what we want to do for a sandbox area.
11. Figure out mulch for the play area.

Other (dream) projects would include:
1. Putting in a central air condition unit.
2. Rewiring the garage.
3. Rewiring the breaker box (because we have learned that 90% of our house is on one breaker. Grr!).
4. So much more that there's not even time to list them. :(

So, who wants to volunteer their time and talents? I will keep you updated.

Masculinity

[Fair Warning: This is going to be a long one. Just saying, you've been warned!]

Preliminary Introduction: I recently switched careers from a position of management at a small nonprofit of approximately thirty to fifty full- and part-time staff to a totally new, developing area of work at our church. It began with a grant from IYI and the National Fatherhood Initiatives, which has our church offering three classes to local dads. One of the three is called 24/7 Dad and that's what this is about.

Monday night, in class, it was only session two of twelve, so I feel we're still getting our feet wet. The class is facilitated by myself and a friend from Anchor named Paul. The first class, we had one participant. Last night, we expected three but only had two. Nevertheless, the class took off and bloomed like a sapling after the little helicoptor seedling lands in the gutter (at least, that's how it is at our house...trees growing from the roof in a matter of seconds, it seems!).

The topic of discussion was masculinity and before class, Paul and I were talking about what the curriculum for the day involved. Both of us were, quite frankly, uncertain and leery of how interesting it would be. The first half hour or so of class was good. The two fathers were opening up and sharing about their families and themselves quite a bit. After break came the part we were nervous about

To explain, the curriculum set forth a silhouette of a man and had it broken into six zones: the head, the arms and hands, the chest and abdomen, the back, the buttock and genitals, and the legs and feet. To further illustrate, I drew a "man" on the white board and highlighted the different areas to discuss as well.

We began with each body "zone" and discussed what this meant in regards to masculinity. Paul and I feared that this discussion would quickly be over and done with much sooner than we expected and that was basically all that the curriculum for the day was. However, we soon realized that our fears were unpresedented when we were finishing up at exactly the proper time. I also had many moments of experiencing thoughts, expectations, and assumptions about men that I never realized, or honestly, ever considered.

We used green marker to denote negative or detrimental thinking and red marker to denote positive or beneficial thinking, so I will use the same color coding here.)

THE HEAD

-Knows everything

-Non-emotional

-Decision maker

-Admitting and getting help if needed

-Showing you care

-"Hard-headed"

-Awareness

My thoughts: Dads are often percieved, especially historically, to be "thinkers" and not "feelers" and when trying to be a good parent, that can be hard. Sometimes, it's okay to admit to others that you do not have all the answers and that you need help, especially when reaching a point where life is in disarray and things are falling apart, either at your own hands or the hands of others or circumstance. Socially now, and definately in the past, father was always the decision maker and many times, the woman's role in the house was to be submissive. If done in a negative way, submission can be seen as being powerless or incapable, when it really is not. The Bible instructs us as wives to be submissive, but it takes great strength to do so. And for fathers, there is nothing weak about reaching out to get the help when you need it. It doesn't make you weak or unable; it makes you human.

THE ARMS & HANDS

-Provider

-Defender

-Holding & Healing

-Aggressive & Abusive

-Fixing things

-Helping

-Carrying

-Playing

My Thoughts: As an honest women who has studied psychology, it's a no brainer to admit that men are physically stronger in arm capability than women. How many times have I handed bags or kids to my husband when my arms grow tired? But, to see how men (and society) can label masculinity by arms is intriguing. To think of the words provider and defender as negatives, as they were stated, was alarming. I often think of how much pressure is put on father to provide and defend for their families and the stress that must endure, especially in the world full of dangers and uncertainties. It deeply strikes my heart to think of how a man feels when something unpreventable happens to his wife or family, from a broken bone to a fatal car accident to cancer or disease, and how much psychological distress is caused, in addition to the expected, because of these standards to provide and defend. When the world was much simpler, such as nomads or tribal or even prarie families, it is easily seen as to how the father might integrate into this role, but as the world has evolved, the social pressures have not, and it is heartbreaking

Additionally, I find it amazing that some of the connections between masculinity and being a dad with the body zone of hands and arms included fixing things, holding, carrying, playing, and helping. I love that. That illusion of a mans strong arms embracing a newborn or a small child. It's a beautiful image. I love those photographs of a man, with his strong arms and chest, so carefully and lovingly holding a newborn. It's truely amazing

CHEST & STOMACH

-Image of "ripped" man

-Beer-bellied

-Cradling babies to chest

My Thoughts: The television shows two types of men. The suave ones with ripped abs and amazing pecs and a beautiful "chippendales" body (Think McDreamy and McSteamy). And the fat, stupid, lazy ones (aka the Homer Simpsons). Both do horrible things to self-image of males and are super detrimental. I simply hate media's portrayal of life sometimes. I do love, however, the male cradling of newborns (see above statements). I remember that when preparing to be parents for the first time, hearing or reading about the best way for fathers to bond with their new babies was to lay them naked (with a diaper preferrably) against their shirtless chest. The child learns the comfort of being held by daddy, their heartbeat and sounds of their body, and becomes attached to that scent. I shared this with Jose and remember many times, finding him and Isa together like this. I truely believe that it strengthened their bond. Because of the tough times we were enduring when Teo was born, this happened less frequently and I have witnessed over the last year, the slower pace at which they are bonding and creating their relationship.

THE BACK

-Strength

-"Carry the world on your shoulders"

-Integrity

-Having the ability to follow through

-Piggyback rides

-"Got their back" (their children and family)

My Thoughts: A lot of the back comments were similar to those of the arms - protect, strength, but others came through too. I found it very intriguing that some of the comments came to moral strength as well. And it makes sense. Thinking of it now, it is similar to the cliche of having a "backbone" and doing things that aren't easy. If you take it into principle, it would be doing the right thing no matter what. Doing what needs to be done. In the past, and sometimes now, especially in some blue collar jobs, it could be so much as doing back breaking labor to take care of your family as well.

In concept with the spirit of the fatherhood programs (which is making a change in socialital views of "fathers"), many deadbeat dads aren't having the integrity or following through with the choices they made when they created a child. And it's something that hits me personally to think about. Some of it can go back to how commonplace and accepted it is to be involved in sex despite your situation. Married people commit affairs all the time. Teenagers have sex before they're ready. Adults who are single engage in recreational sex. It's everywhere. And I don't even have room to lecture. I was pregnant before I got married. Granted, it was with the man I married and it was after four years of being together, but it still doesn't necessarily make it right. But no one even questioned it. [And I just realized that I've gone off on a tangent, so I'm going to stop there.]

In discussion afterwards, we asked which area is the most important, and I believe the back was one of them. And I can see why.

THE GENITALS & BUTTOCKS

-The showing of the butt ("saggin' pants")

-"Grow a pair"

-Ability to reproduce

-Pressure of "size matters"

-Question of homosexuality

-Circumcision debate

">My Thoughts: Maybe this is where I should have put my previous rant. :) I learned a lot during this body "zone" as I have different genitalia than the dads in the room (obviously). And it made some things make sense to me.

When Teo was born, I never understood Jose's immediate concern with his "junk." And the comparisons made by other fathers about the size of their sons' stuff. I was busy counting fingers and toes and I felt like everyone else was concerned with his "boy parts." This became much more obvious when we started realizing a problem. Teo had a hydrocele (short version: part of his abdominal cavity hadn't quite closed up and abdominal fluid was collecting in one testicle, causing quite the cosmetic issue. I was concerned about the medical issue, and while Jose was too, he had additional concerns about how it would look. Fortunately, his hydrocele corrected itself shortly, allowing his stuff to return to normal. In mentioning this to the class (I know, poor Teo...everyone is gonna know his business!), they completely understood and expressed it as the desire for their sons to be accepted in the locker room.

They unanimously agreed that boys who develop slower are teased and harrassed and called names, such as "sissy." This led to an additional discussion about how years ago, names like sissy and wimp meant just that, but now, to be weak or less-of-a-man automatically labels boys as gay. Additionally, this causes a lot more boys to question their sexuality at ages when their not even fully developed. Again, a soapbox could develop here, but I deter.

One thing that I learned though, that was sad and interesting to me, was the history of sagging pants. One father has a teenage son, and brought the topic up in regards to this "zone" and I had to ask, because I had never heard of where the fashion trend came from. Basically, what I was told is this: The tradition of wearing pants below the butt came from prison and was a sign from one male to the others that he was okay with being approached for sexual reasons. (That's the nicest way I can put it.) I will remember this if and when (hopefully never) Teo starts to pull his down too far.

And now, the last "zone" of masculinity:

THE LEGS

-Stamina (Working strength)

-Running from responsibility

My Thoughts: While the comments weren't as plentiful, they were so very powerful. The legs on a man are the part that must endure all day, standing, working, walking, driving. They are the strength that allows the entire body to continue on to do its duties no matter what. This can be representative of many things, including the sticking to it attitude that is oftentimes needs. On the negative end, legs can symbolize a man running, running away from his responsibilities, running away from what needs done.

FEEDBACK FROM YOU:
What "zone" of the body do you think of when you think of masculinity? Is there any cliches or standards that you thought about that weren't listed above? What's one thing new or profound that was discussed that you had never thought about?