I No Longer Want Normal and Boring.

About three weeks ago, I cried out and begged to be boring, to have a boring life. To be mundane and normal. After bad weather and sickness and a kidney infection and a whole list of things that were unplanned and disrupted my idea of what needed to happen, I was frustrated and just needed normalacy and for life to be calm and quiet.

Then, I got some texts and calls that showed me that life was not going to be "normal" soon.  I had a week between the three kids where I was unable to do much work hours at all. I became frustrated and grumpy. All I wanted was calm and quiet, not more and more insanity. The icing on the cake was that we were throwing my sons birthday party this past weekend. I didn't even want to celebrate. I grew so bitter and angry. Why me? And despite the posts that I had written about self-pity, I felt some of it deep inside me.

We got swept into a life of crazyness, and none of it was our own doing. We didn't create the situation bringing my nephew into our house. We didn't make the kids get sick or make the snow/ice cover the streets, cancelling school. We didn't infect our babysitter. And all of this happened right after I cried out for God to make our life peaceful. We got arguements, grumpiness, sadness, tears, temper tantrums, mean and angry texts and phone calls, screaming matches with my husband, etc.

But, I have been posting about how these things, these times of struggle, bring us closer to God. And then, I just read this:

"The Franciscan priest Richard Rohr points out that Native Americans have a tradition of leaving a blemish in one corner of the rug they are weaving because they believe that's where the spirit enters. I can relate to the rugs. I want desparately for things to go 'how they're supposed to.' Which is another way of saying 'how I want them to,' which is another way of saying 'according to my plan.' And that, as we all know, isn't how it works. But it's in that disappointment, in that confusion, in that pain - the pain that comes from things not going how I wanted them to - that I find the same thing happening, again and again. I come to the end of myself, to the end of my power, the end of my strength, the end of my understanding, only to find in that place of powerlessness a strength and peace that weren't there before. I keep discovering that it's in the blemish that the Spirit enters." [an excerpt from the book Drops Like Stars by Rob Bell]

Ok, so crap. Seriously, in the margin, I wrote, "Holy crap. This is me. This is my life."

I desparately want boring, but I cannot grow with boredom like I can through struggling. It's like that muscle analogy that I posted about earlier this week with the Father Fiction book. (See, it really is surrounding me.) I need to have those places in my life where I am weak, where I am imperfect, where the Holy Spirit can enter into me and my life.

Otherwise, we return to that place where we are bored. Where we were before the affair when we become so "comfortable" that we no longer try, that we give up, that we do not struggle and turn to God and fight our battles, but where we are so numb that we don't move forward.

"If we aren't careful, our success and security and abundance can lead to a certain sort of boredom, a numbing predictability, a paralyzing indifference that comes from being too comfortable...Death by wallpaper and flooring." [Also an excerpt from Drops Like Stars.]

So, I may need to change my prayers and my plea and my cry for my life. I don't want to be boring and dull and comfortable. But, if God feels like He can ease my load a little, I'm okay with that...hehe. But, I need to continually remember to chose to to look at my trials and struggles as opportunity, not punishment.