Selfies. With society.

There's this song that plays on the radio. Catchy, yet annoying. #Selfie by The Chainsmokers (excuse some vulgarity in the video). Essentially, if you haven't heard it, it's a techno beat consisting of a female speaking to another female, making random statements.

"I don't know if it's a booty call or not"

"So, what do you think...do you think that girl was pretty?"

"How did that girl even get in here? Did you see her? She's so short and that dress is so tacky."

"Lemme take a selfie."

"I wanna be tan."

"What should my caption be? I want it to be clever."

"Lemme take another selfie."

"The girl with no shoes on...That's so rachet."

"That girl is such a fake model. She definitely bought all her instagram followers."

"Jason just texted me; should I go home with him? Guess I took a good selfie."

The first time I heard the song, I was like, "Man, this is catchy. Let me Shazam it so I can get it onto my ipod."

By the third time, I thought, "Wow, this is pathetic."

To be quite honest, there is so much that I want to say about it that I cannot even properly collect my thoughts. This video has single-handedly opened up most of the wounds that I work to help heal daily with teenage clients. It creates this imaginary conversation between two young women at a club or a bar that follows generalizations and stereotypes, yet also encompasses most perfectly the technological society that is created within realms of social media such as Facebook and Instagram.

#Selfie by The Chainsmokers takes less than four minutes to depict some rampant but unhealthy norms that are experienced by normal people, people like you or me: Sex. Drinking. Trash talk. Bullying. Immorality. Promiscuity. Objectification.

But the part that bothers me the most is that the song intensifies, in a nearly silly and joking way, one of the major components of what social media entails: self-centeredness.

When you exist in a website that is continuously asking you what you're doing, what you "like", and to create posts about yourself, social networking may be the primary goal, but an unintentional outcome is egocentric thinking and behavior. You begin to process differently. Taking photos of yourself to post. Having status updates formulate in your mind as you are engaging in normal daily tasks. Taking time out of your day to snap photos of what you're eating or drinking or doing. Sharing about your newest possession or achievement. Tagging friends to show the world who you associate with. Secretly hoping to evoke jealousy in someone else. Desiring acceptance and relationship, but never allowing vulnerability or depth to show.

#Selfie and the actual act of taking selfies can signal a change in cognitions. We begin to think that we are significant. Entitled. That people care about what we are feeling and doing and thinking. That we are important because we have followers or "friends." So, we post more status updates. We take more selfies. We grow our ego, but shallow ourselves in the process.

We become focused on what we have and how we look, spending time primping like the women in the music video. We work hard to hide our imperfections, using filters and camera angles to show the world who we are, although that image is often fake. We somehow create these identities, unknowingly, that we share online.

Then, we count our likes and the responses we get, and subconsciously, equate the number with our value. We grow our ego with each "like" and to have someone repost that which is ours is the upmost sign of success. Our self-worth becomes contingent upon a click of someone else's keyboard, and hateful words from an IP address can become our detriment. Sometimes, we even become the hateful attacker, saying unkind things or using the screen of a computer as a curtain to hide behind as we tear someone down to make ourselves feel better.

The selfie mentality is bred from insecurity. I say that because I have, at times, fallen into the above patterns, and it began with the place inside of me that is not confident or sure of myself, the part that longs for approval and wants to be seen as successful. When I feel strong or sure of myself, when I have had a great conversation with a friend or family member, when I am connected and engulfed by my faith...I don't feel drawn to social media in the same way as when I feel small, uncertain, alone, disconnected, and insignificant.

But, inside, we shrivel up and die, because our soul does not pertain to the things of this world. We are not created to be selfish beings, but are made to be in relationship with others. Real relationship, not social media friendships. Vulnerable, raw, honest, and authentic relationships. The kind that cannot be ended with the click of a mouse upon a delete button. The kind that never can really be over, because we have given the other person a piece of our heart. We are created to grow and be other-centered, not narcissistic. Our value does not come from acceptance or possessions or even from other people, but from God.

The irony is that it snowballs. The more we engage in the practices that fuel selfie mentality, the more insecure we are, so we engage more trying to feel better, causing us to feel worse. I don't have all the answers about how to escape this cycle. Truthfully, I don't know where to even begin. Personally, I have found that I have to unplug and reboot. I have to take time to invest in my relationships, my hobbies, and my faith. So, if you're feeling like you've become trapped in the selfie mentality or feel as if you need social media, I challenge you to log off. Go off the grid for awhile. Unplug. And then, when you return, work to be authentic, genuine, and intentional. Know that you are more than a Twitter account, a Facebook profile, or an Instagram page. You don't need to take another selfie.

(Blogger Note: Two previous posts about selfies can be found here and here.)