Last week, I was in a training on sexual abuse. The speaker said that one of the steps for victims was to reach a point of thanksgiving for their abuse. It seems so wrong, in a humanistic approach, but to me, it made sense, because it's about God, not humans. So, I'm creating my own list of things that I'm thankful for. If you feel that I'm being untruthful, please, feel free to confront me about it.
(Disclaimer: This list does not mean that I am perfect or that these things do not hurt me or affect me. This list contains things that I often need to prompt myself to be grateful for, often multiple times per day. There are times when my thankfulness is empty and legalistic, stating that I am giving God thanks for these things, even when I don't mean it. However, this list of things has brought me to be the person I am today...and for that, if nothing else, I am thankful.)
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| Photo from Cindi Albright/Flickr |
* I am thankful that my husband had an affair. If he hadn't we would not be married today, I'm sure of it. We would also not be a part of our church and our children would not have such a great love for Christ. I am not sure how much of my life would actually be intact if he hadn't cheated, as so much of where I am now has been a chain reaction from his bad decision. In the past five years since the affair, our marriage has grown exponentially more than it did the four years that we dated and the four years that we were newlyweds. The love I have for him is deeper than I ever imagined to be possible.
* I am thankful that my husband's mistress was pregnant. It created a 8 month long waiting period that taught us patience and grew us closer to God in prayer. Although it did not end how I wanted it to, I am thankful that the "other chick" made decisions that were in the best interest for her daughter. I am grateful that it has been an eye-opener to my hubby, causing him to value and cherish our children and become a better father to them.
*I am thankful that my sister-in-law has disowned us. We had to make hard choices and in the end, stood up for what was true and morally right. Although we miss them terribly, it has been an opportunity to remain strong in our values and teach our kids that sometimes, doing the right thing is not easy and it hurts a lot. I'm also thankful that we can show others that forgiveness does not mean allowing wrongs or mistreatment, but that you can love someone, even when they hurt you. We have learned that loving someone can be done from afar. I only pray that one day in the future, it can also teach a valuable lesson in reunification.
* I am thankful that I grew up with divorced parents, having two homes and two families. I grew up with twice as much love and twice as many people to love. Growing up, I learned many lessons about God's love and loving our enemies, including what that should (and should not) look like. I have faith that if my parent's had not divorced, I would be a much different person that I am today (and not in a good way). I have also seen growth in my dad in the past few years and heard him state in church recently that he sees how his choices and selfishness in his first two marriages likely led to their demise.
* I am thankful that my husband and his family grew up in poverty. Because of his challenges, he is a strong man, able to carry the weight of my burdens when they become to heavy. He is my rock. Additionally, his childhood has impacted his drives and have made him a hard worker, full of service and willingness to provide for myself and our children. He may be lazy at home sometimes, but he does so much to make sure we have a home, vehicles, food, heat, electricity, and clothing. Best of all, he loves thrift shopping and finding bargains.
* I am thankful that my dad was a selfish alcoholic for most of my life. I was bitter and angry for a long time, often pushing him away because of the hurts that I held onto. However, his testimony is beautiful. He has been given grace through Christ, and has found strength to overcome some of his biggest demons. The man that I once refused to allow babysit my children and that I spent some time creating a strong protective barrier against is now a wonderful grandfather. He has achieved his goals of living in the countryside and is making his current marriage work, although I'm sure it's hard at times. His wife has received more dedication and relationship-work than I have ever seen him give. Additionally, growing up with him taught me many things, including independence, how to work hard to get what you want, willingness to confront people, and how to survive in chaos.
* I am thankful for the people that use us and hurt us and cause us emotional pain. They have allowed us the opportunity to explore our relationship needs and desires, and have shown us the people that are truly supportive of us. This gratefulness includes the people who say they love us but act in non-loving ways, who are there for us only when it is convenient to them, and those who say they care for us yet encourage and support poor decisions and sin. These people have helped us define who our true family and friends are, giving us a realistic expectation of love and care. These people have shaped us, giving us the support system that we genuinely need by showing us that they are not really there for us, but have also taught us to love in situations and circumstances that are less than ideal. We have learned how to balance love and concern with healthy boundaries, allowing us to keep them in our lives without giving them the freedom to use us as doormats.
* I am thankful for my son to develop a rare kidney disorder. Nephrotic syndrome and minimal change disease has taught us to cherish each moment, even if it means missing deadlines, having a messy home, or reaching less than perfection. I have chosen to snuggle instead of maintain an A-average, to read storybooks instead of journal articles, and to watch silly cartoons rather than type a paper. I have cancelled important meetings to go to doctor's visits. Furthermore, I have learned to live one day at a time without fear or worry about tomorrow. In one of our very first doctor visits, when I asked how to handle the disease in my small boy, the pediatric nephrologist said to just take it day by day. He said that there was no other way. Additionally, his disease has shown us that battles can be invisible and has taught us to be more compassionate about the people we meet, to know that we have no way of knowing what their struggle is, but to know that everyone carries some form of brokenness inside of them, whether physically or emotionally.
This list is not exhaustive; however, it is an expression of some of my biggest challenges that I (and my husband) face in overcoming. In perspective, we have been blessed that these things have not been larger or more painful. God has blessed us with these worst experiences; furthermore, He has provided us with grace and strength to be able to grow from these experiences. And for that, we give Him thanks.
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| Photo from http://www.sukhrajbeasla.com/ |
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