I should really be working on school work, but have missed blogging. I really want to get back into a habit of some sorts, any sorts, even a weekly or monthly post, of blogging because I find it to be so therapeutic and healing.
I can't help but thinking back to where we were a year ago. Retrospection can always be nice, I've found, so long as we don't let ourselves be controlled by our pasts. Which, for me, is a hard concept to live by. Anyways, I digress.
A year ago, I was rushing around to submit my application for graduate school, a choice that was not well supported by some people in my life. I heard lots of reasons why I shouldn't pursue furthering my education, none of which were much related to school itself. Finances were one reason. Time was another. Parenting was yet another. And then, there was the question of my commitment since the first go round of college was kind of a joke.
However, I procrastinated and took time to submit my application. Then, I got the letter saying that I was accepted, on two conditions. One was that I took my GRE. The other was that I took abnormal psychology, an undergradate class that I didn't take as an undergrad.
I had prayed long and hard about graduate school, even before submitting my application and ended up with the mindset that if it were in God's will, it would happen and if it wasn't, it wouldn't. I knew that my hours at work would be getting cut due to the end of a grant and wasn't sure what other avenue to pursue, so I prayed that if God wanted me somewhere other than grad school, he would shut the door on the opportunity. I only applied at one school, my alma mater, Huntington University (although it was Huntington College when I recieved my BA). So when my acceptance letter came in the mail, I felt peace knowing that this is where God wanted me.
Finances have always caused me to tremble because by all standards, we should be facing bankrupcy or something, but since we have committed to letting God control our lives, I have found that money has always been there exactly when we needed it. And, I have gotten adjusted to the fact that it's not there when we don't. We are not able to save or splurge by any means, but it always works out well.
Time is one thing that I never have enough of either. The days aren't long enough. But, again, God is in control. I have found graduate school to be demanding of my time, but my hours were cut and I have become better at time management. I have had to quit some obligations that were taking away from my time without offering any real benefits and God has revealed errors to me in the way I spend my time, but I have, overall, adjusted well. Honestly, I feel like I have more time now to spend with my husband and kids and friends than I did before. Granted, I've stopped spending hours online and stopped watching endless television shows. I love it.
Parenting was a concern raised by others. Why go back to school when I should be spending time with my kids? But, yet again, God provided to this fear, although it was in ways we could not have imagined. I started school last fall with my daughter going into 1st grade at a nearby elementary school and my son spending 3-4 days per week at a in-home daycare. Slowly, problems began to arise in both areas and now, my daughter will be starting 2nd grade as a homeschooler and my son has not needed childcare (other than the occassional situation in which friends and family members have stepped in as members of our "village"). Both kids are home with me whenever I am not in class. When I work, they often go to church with me and either help or play on their own. I have spent more time in the last couple months of being home with both of them than ever before, playing, teaching, and in generally, getting to understand who my kids are and what make them tick. Even more, my husband will be helping with the educational process and spends much more quality time with them while I do my schoolwork in the evenings.
And finally, the concern was raised about my committment to my education. The first go-round, I graduated in three years with a bachelor's degree, but I didn't study. I did as little work as possible and I was very uninvolved in college, as a whole. I understand the concerns, honestly. But, here I am, nearly done with my third semester (fall, spring, summer) and borderlining on a A-average (I have gotten one B so far) with a love for my area of study and a passion that I didn't have in undergrad. I actually took an exam and got a perfect score, which I NEVER did before. I have even surprised myself by how committed I am. Whereas I skipped the maximum number of classes without failing as an undergrad, I have missed two classes this year: one for a severely sprained ankle and one for a horrible ear infection.
So, I look back and the only thing that I can think is this: I'm so glad that I didn't let the concerns or opinions of others keep me from pursuing this opportunity. And, I am so grateful that God made it very clear where he wanted me. He made me and knows me, fully, so he knew that I needed a very wide open door. VERY WIDE OPEN. And he made it so.
By the way, I'm already considering going for a doctorate once I graduate. :)
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