Quick Start, Never Finish

So, as I have mentioned before, I am a "starter"...but I struggle to finish projects.

At a conference I attended a few months ago, they discussed this. There are people that are wonderful at creating and getting a fire going and burning strong, but there are other people that are great at keeping the coals hot and not letting the flame burn out.

I'm a starter. I can think up these huge projects and get them into motion. I can start wonderful things. But then, the flame gets smaller and I don't know how to keep it from burning out.

My house, my life, is full of half-finished projects.

There is a half knitted scarf on the end table. My daughter's mural is half done. My computer houses a book that is half written. There are rooms that are half decorated. My scrapbook projects are all sitting in limbo, half completed. I have a half-completed concept of a mural business.

Half of me is filled with new projects to start. I have a desire to write a book about being a child of an alcoholic. And a book about how God has used an affair to save my life. I want to start *something* to work with family members of people in jail.

The other half of me wants to complete the projects started. To have that sense of accomplishment that I had something that I did from start to finish.

Maybe I should work on the scarf. It'd be the easiest battle to win...

Failed.

I couldn't do it. Not this week. Not at this moment. I plan on giving it a week and trying again.

It's been an eventful weekend thus far. A lot of fun. A lot of prayers. I am exhausted.

Day Two

Well, I did what I said I wanted to do. And, I have succeeded thus far in doing it. The fear I have is that it is going to be a struggle every single day for the rest of my life. I have enough struggles.

Yesterday, as Day One, was easier than I expected. It just took willpower to stick to it when I got discouraged. I had to press on when I wanted to throw in the towel. I kept myself busy all day with coupons yesterday and last night, we basically ran from store to store and took lots of time, so it was late and we were tired by the time we got home. There were brief moments where the temptation to stop was strong and I had to physically and mentally change what I was doing mid-moment to distract myself.

Today is okay. I'm tired and feeling very lazy. I am trying to stay busy with working and talking to friends either online or on the phone. I know that I need to get outside and get busy, but just don't think I can do it today. Maybe tomorrow. Outside there is too much pressure. I can't do it today.

Tonight is what I'm nervous for. I am going to work, driving alone, many opportunities. Must...stay...strong. If you think about it this evening, say a lil' prayer for me.

If you don't already know what I'm doing, I will share soon enough. If you do know what I'm doing, give me all the tips you can. Who knows what will work...?

Self-Control and Motivation

I have something. I'm not going to say what it is, but I know. It needs to change. I'm sick and tired of it. I'm done. But I keep going back. And I hate that I have no control over it. So, I'm going to change it.

Self-control and motivation are two things that I lack. Seriously lack. And this is a huge element of what needs to change, so it's not just a change of behavior, but of habit and emotions.

But, I have a plan. Not a great, well thought out plan, but a small plan. And an awesome support. She will be like my coach (and in return, I will support her in one of her decisions, and hopefully soon, join her!).

She brought up the point of "fearless confidence" that we discussed in church yesterday.

"If I was fearlessly confident, I would...."

I am going to ask God for this fearless confidence that I need to do this. And, hopefully, I succeed. Please pray for me....