The Fine Line

There is a fine line between sanity and insanity. I'm never sure when I have crossed it, but I often feel as though I am very close to walking the line. If I would have posted last night, I believe you would have agreed and if you have a personal relationship with me, you would have encouraged me to admit myself to the behavioral health center.

There is a fine line between having a healthy marriage and an unhealthy marriage. I often question which side of the line Jose and I are one. We teeter totter across it, back and forth, so often. It's dangerous to consider divorce or separation on a regular basis because sooner or later, I'm afraid we will decide it is for the better to be apart. I wonder if we are just afraid of what lies on the other side of that wall. I think we may be afraid to be alone. But we do love each other.

There is a fine line when love is not enough. I have told Jose a hundred times that "I love you" is not enough to keep us together. They are just words when they are said and until there is action behind the words, they do not mean anything. And even when there is action behind the words, it may not be full. The word "LOVE"
has such a depth that no one can ever fufill it. I wish it wasn't commonplace to say it, unless thinking through the meaning. The sacrifice. The elements that "love" is comprised of. Love is not easy.

There is a fine line between being wealthy and being poor, in relationships. In this book I'm reading, it talks about four relationships needed: with God, with self, with others, and with the world (I think that's the last one). It's exhausting. And I feel as if I fail at this. I don't know if I'm just a sucky person or if the people I have relationships are sucky people (or a combination of the two, which is most likely the truth-except the relationship with God...only sucky person in that is me...). I have a hard time balancing everything and everyone.

There is a fine line between being wealthy and being poor, financially. We struggle with living on this line. Where we are blessed enough to have steady income and pay our bills, but there is not a lot of money left for things like vacations or special treats. And Jose grew up in poverty, so he finds value in possessions. It's difficult because I was raised on the line, with some luxuries, but only after saving and pinching pennies, but not ever being without. Jose grew up without. And now that we can afford it, he wants to buy it. No matter what it is. And the value of the possessions is meaningless, because he doesn't respect what he has, so things end up broken and torn up far too often.

There is a fine line between communication and failure to communicate. There are so many times when we talk, but nothing is being said. We are saying words, but there is no communication being done. And when we fail to communicate, our relationships generally follow by crossing the line to being unhealthy. You cannot force someone to communicate with you. You cannot communicate alone. And you can talk all day long, but if the other person isn't listening, it isn't communication. And you can listen all day long, but if the other person isn't speaking from their heart, it isn't communication.

The fine lines in life are blurry and sometimes, you cross them without even realizing it.