A Quick Guide On How To Have Friends...

In reading Father Fiction, there is a chapter dedicated to Friendship. In it, the author, Donald Miller states:

"The primary way to recieve the attention and affirmation we need is to affirm and care for others. I'm talking about being a good, loyal friend. We think that people will like us more if we are funny or athletic or good looking, and some fo that really does bring us attention, but what everybody really wants in a friend is somebody who is self-assured and loyal."

So, let's break this down.

To have good great friends, you do not need to be popular. You do not need to be skinny. Or stuning. Or a model. You do not need wealth or fancy things. You do not need to be a star athlete. Or a prestigious community member.

To have great friends, you need to be a great friend.

You need to love. To care. To listen and be there. You need to affirm them and not tear them down. You need to be yourself, be true, be honest. You need to be trustworthy and open. You need to be confident, but not cocky. And you need to be loyal.

And in return, you will gain the same from them, if they are true friends.

To have great friends, you need to be a great friend.

So, why do friendships fail?

I believe that I am, generally, a good friend. I try to love, care, be there, listen, affirm, be true, be honest, trustworthy, open, confident, and loyal. (So much so that I am now having to back away from friendships to focus on my marriage.)

However, sometime, friendships just don't continue on. Sometimes, people change courses in life and go separate ways. Sometimes, people hold grudges against small things that you did or said and they grow into a large wedge between you both. Sometimes, you hold a hurt or they hold a hurt, and cannot let go for the friendship.

I honestly have faith that God brings people into our lives when we need them most. And when those issues are resolved, they are removed from our lives. Does that mean that they aren't true friends? No. Does that mean that the friendship must die? No. However, things do change.

But, there are those friends who's lives will run a constant parallel to your own. And they will be true and long lasting friends. They are the ones who, when you begin to grow apart, they pull you back in (and you pull them back as well) to ensure that your ships always run its course together. These friendships are the ones that give life it's extra sparkle.

However, if you do not do your part to be a good friend, even those friendships will fade.

Here is a photo of me and one of my truest, bestest friends, Kristy. We formed our friendship while she was my caseworker and when she left the job, we lost touch. Then about a year or two later, she found me during a city-wide event, yelled and shouted at me until I saw her. I dug up her phone number and we immediately reconnected. There are times when we lose touch and don't speak for a week or two, but through thick and thin, easy and hard times, she has been there for me and she knows that if she needs anything, I am here for her. I trust her with my world. I love her with my heart. As I wrote much of this post, she was on my mind... Love you lady!