A Post About Love and Marriage...Never Woulda Guessed on Valentine's Day...

There are a couple chapters in Father Fiction by Donald Miller dedicated to dating, sex, love, etc. so I figured it would be fitting to Valentine's Day.

In talking about romantic relationships, there is a paragraph that I found that I highlighted, underlined, made notes about and basically tagged as vital for me and my life. It says:

"We are not going to get the love we really need from each other. We are going to get it from God, in heaven. Until then, we have an awesome opportunity to practice God's love with each other. We get to commit to each other, we get to try to love unconditionally (at which point we will understand how amazing God is), we get to serve each other by being more attractive to our mates, we get to bring children into the world and take care of them, we get to share our lives with a family. And we get to improve our character. Those are the reasons we should be looking for a mate. Any other motive for getting into a relationship is going to let us down."

Oh. Crap.

Did I fail my marriage when I said "I do." No. However, through the last five (almost six) years of being married, and the nearly 10 years that we have been together, have we had our share of disappointments and let downs? Yes. My expectations, in honesty, we not God-centered. My hopes, my dreams, they were fairy tale at most. So, of course I was let down. Of course, I was disappointed. I had this Hollywood vision of marriage, not an honest faith-based one.

Have I reached this point of loving unconditionally and practicing God's love? No. But I would like to think that I am trying. And, has Jose reached this point? No. But he is trying too. And by watching him strive to become a man of God (especially knowing where his faith walk had taken him), I fall more and more in love with him every day.

Would I change things, if I were to go back and re-do them? No. I would be afraid to. Yes, you read that right...with all the fights, the nights of sleeping alone, the screaming, the throwing things (that would be me), the cussing (again, mostly me), the lying, the cheating, the broken trust, the affair, the other child...I would not change a thing. I am afraid, that had everything not happened the way that it did, that my husband would not be here with me, in love with me, in love with God. And I fear that I would not have worked so hard to save our marriage, to build our faith. And I would fear that we would continue to live a life of false nature, pretending to go through the motions happily, but stuck in a nightmare of non-loving, non-caring, and distrust.

So, for those of you friends who are married or in a committed relationship, would you change your expectations? Do you see fault in your view of your relationship based on what Donald Miller pointed out? And for those who are single and looking, do your expectations meet what is described above? Do you think that adjusting your goals would help your search for a mate?

And, for my husband, Jose Manuel...I love you. More and more every single day. I love to sit and watch you play with the kids. I love to see your strong, yet gentleness while you wrestle and roll around on the floor with them. I love to see you cuddle up with Teo and Isa as you watch a movie or read a book. And I love to peek as you tuck them in at night. You're my gentle giant with the kids. Additionally, I love to spy on you as you cook dinner, with a determination that I cannot understand. And to see you serve me and the kids by cleaning or picking up gives me great joy. I love to hold your rough hands and to stroke your soft cheek. I love to give you eskimo kisses and to press my lips against yours when the kids are preoccupied. I love to try to be held by you, only to have a 30 and a 40 lb. weight quickly latch on to each arm, yelling and screaming, "EEEWWW!" I love to look through photos with you, enjoy a coffee with you, watch a movie with you. I enjoy our time together, whether talking or doing a project around the house. I love watching you move as you work. I love your laugh and making you giggle is a joy. I love that you can always put a smile on my face and make me laugh, even if I am so pissed off at you at the moment. I love the way you disappear for hours to do a project (even if it makes me angry at the time) and although I get angry, I will never stop loving you. I love that we can talk through our problems now, instead of turning to other things or people to find a false relief, and although I hate that you had the affair, I love the man that it has changed you into. You are my husband. The only man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. There is no one else in the world that I want to be with. Only you. Happy Valentine's Day. I love you.