In Father Fiction by Donald Miller, in the chapter about making decisions, Donald talks about a man named Salome Thomas-El who was a middle school principal in Philly. In one of his projects, Mr. El used chess to teach students the art of making good decisions.
Donald Miller, influnced by this wonderful man, decided to partake in playing chess and in his book, reflects upon the lessons that he learned from the game:
Lesson 1: Strategy.
When he began playing, Donald didn't have a strategy and found that he was consistantly losing. But once he set up some strategy plans and began to move one piece while thinking of the future pieces, he saw more and more success. In applying this to real life, he recognized that setting goals and having a long-term vision was simple, but allowed him to think through his current moves in life to ensure that he was moving towards his end goals. When you lack vision and goals, you end up wandering aimlessly. How often have you left the house to go somewhere, without a clear idea of where you planned to go, and end up wasting more time driving (or walking) around trying to plan your trip than if you just took a few moments before leaving the house to plan where you were going? Life is like that. You need a strategy.
Lesson 2: Patience.
When Donald began playing chess, he would see an awesome move and quickly take it, not sitting back for a moment or two to think it through. Within a couple of moves, he began to recognize that, although it seemed like a great move at the time, it ended up hurting his game overall. So, he began to take more time to think things through, and he began to see more and more success. In chess, as in life, the temptation to react is strong. "Reacting without thinking never, ever works." He elaborates and states that "the trick is to stick with your strategy, no matter what your emotions are telling you to do." How many times have I reacted to someone or something in life without thinking, only to realize that it was a setback in the long run? I mean, honestly, I can point out numerous errs of life, large and small, that can be contributed to this. And although they have always worked out once I regained focus, they took me farther off my path than I hoped. I lost sight of strategy and followed my emotions.
Similarly, in life, on a smaller scale, if you are frustrated by a situation or a person in your life, reacting without thinking is never successful. It will take friendships, marriages, jobs, relationships, etc. back to a less trusting, less loving, less positive place. And although, it can be repaired, it cannot be undone. Donald states, "After a while, you realize that by walking away, by not getting angry, you are winning, moving ahead, and you get addicted to it. You get used to acting wisely and you like it."
Lesson 3: Learn How To Lose.
"Wisdom only increases your chances of success. The truth is, we aren't always going to win." So, as in chess, with life, you will fail. Even winners fail. In every war, battle, football game, no one side or team or country wins all the way around. Even those who win in the long run have failure along the lines. But, it's what you do with failure that matters. If you accept it, even expect it, and know that small failures can occur leading up to a large win, you are set to continue on. If you know that you still have a chance, no matter how bleak it may look, you can continue towards your goals and reach your vision.
Donald includes this in the chapter, "Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, sit down with myself and explain that things were going to be okay, that everybody loses ground sometimes and it doesn't mean anything. It's just the way life works. [When you fail], you lose sight of the big picture - the fact that life has a beautiful way of remaking itself every few weeks."
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These three lessons are HUGE lessons that I need to remember in my life. And as I continue to age, I realize that I am not alone in my struggles, so I'm sure that many of you could use these lessons too. In closing his chapter, Donald Miller adds that one place that will help with learning to make decisions would be the book of Proverbs in the Bible...I think I will be adding this to my reading list for the next few months.
What is one life lesson that you remember every day that helps you move towards success?
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