The Fatherhood Problem: Learning From Elephants

In the book, Father Fiction, Donald Miller talks about watching a documentary on wild elephants. On the television, he witnessed an eye opening experience as the male elephants hit a puberty of sorts and without a male mentor elephant, he becomes aggressive and out of control. Many rhinos were killed and when two pubertescent male elephants met and both were mentorless, they would fight until covered in blood.

Donald Miller connects this to the human experience. And he asks the question, "are those of us without dads making mistakes in our lives that we wouldn't make if we had a father to guide us?"

Then, he takes is one step further and wonders if people who grow up with great fathers walk around with a subconscious sense that they are wanted, that they belong and that the world needs them, pointing to the fact that as a fatherless child, he never experienced that.

How much impact does something so small like that make in the life of a child? How much does validation of your importance do when you are young?

I grew up with a dad. And a stepdad. I am unsure if either of them ever stated to me how much I meant to them, to the world. I know that my mother always told me how important I was, but did I ever recieve that sense from my fathers? I don't know that I did. And I am not sure how I would feel if there was no father around in my life at all, by his choice. It would definately impact my worth, because you would get the feeling that you are not even important enough for him to be involved, so how wanted would you be by the world?

How do we change this sense of the youth today? How do we make them realize that they are important in our lives and in the world? How do you give them the confidence that they are needed and belong?

And how do we teach them the skills, not only things like mechanics and using tools, but the life skills that are often instilled by a father's stern look or the discipline of a dad? How do we guide them in the right directions in the way that a father should? How do we minimize the mistakes and the hard times that fatherless kids may have simply by not having a dad?

There are statistics that point to the validity of this:

• 85% of people in prison grew up in a fatherless home.
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
• 71% of high school dropouts have no father at home.

Doesn't this alone say enough?! Children need a father. Either the biological one or a trustworthy, responsible stand-in that will give them a sense of belonging, the feeling of being wanted and needed, the guidance to achieve better, and to teach the skills necessary to succeed.

Without that, we just continue to allow our elephants to kill rhinos and to try to kill one another.