I Don't Want To Imagine

Today marks Joshua's 4 month birthday. He was born with half a heart. He is celebrating from heaven. It's not fair.

Today, the paper holds an obituary for a 12-year-old, Courtney, who was in a car crash less than five minutes from my home. It's not fair.

Today, I was reading a friend's blog and it linked up to another blog, requesting prayers for a mother. I followed, I read Mattias' story and I bawled. It's not fair.

I ran my fingers across sweet Joshua's fiery red hair, less than a week before he left earth to be with the Father.

I ran my fingers through a friend's hair yesterday as she sobbed upon learning of Courtney's death and her leaving this earth for a better place.

I ran my fingers through my hair today as I read about Mattias, a beautiful boy who shares a birthday with Mateo, and his tragic accident which caused him to leave this earth too soon.

As I sit here and think, I cannot imagine what these mothers feel. I don't want to imagine it. And as selfish as that sounds, I wish they weren't living through it. I feel my heart lurch and ache, knowing that in less than an hour, I can have both of my children in my arms and I cannot fathom what it would be like to never feel their cold fingers in my hands again. To never recieve slobbery and sticky kisses again. To never be able to tuck their hair behind their ears or to run my finger down their nose again. To never feel their squeezes around my neck or hear their voices. It breaks my heart to even think of it. Why do these mothers have to live it?

It's not fair.