Broken Hearted for a Broken Heart

"Now I lay me, down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die, before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."

I can't fall asleep. I napped earlier due to pure exhaustion, but now find myself sitting here, still awake, with my heart aching for Jill and Shane and the family.

Their loss has been twisted into a movement for a cause that has nothing to do with his death. By mere coincidence, he has become a tool for a fake nonprofit to push their own personal agenda.

Baby Joshua means more than that. He represents faith and strength to so many people. How can people be so cold-hearted?

My words have failed me and I cannot explain how much my soul hurts for the family. For their loss. For becoming the target of this media attention plot. For the nasty and hateful comments that have been posted on their blog and that continue to be posted. (Jill, just so you know, I am continuing to filter these. Until you tell me to stop, I will be deleting hateful and unnecessary comments.)

He was so beautiful.

Jill, I prayed with him while you left me in his room on Friday. I prayed and sang to him as I held his paci in place and stroked his forehead, lulling him into a light sleep. I removed his cap and ran my hand across his red hair. He was fierce and fiesty too and every time I stopped singing or praying, he would wake up. I will never forget his adoring face as he looked at you, holding him and laughing.

Like so many others, he has touched my life and made teeny tiny footprints on my heart. And today, after so many days before it, I have seen my kids in a new light. I know that you are seeing Hannah and Caleb through new eyes as well.

And I know that your fight is not over. I know your heart enough to know that this is just the beginning. The start of shouting awareness from the rooftops and of serving the Lord more and more with your graceful heart. You will continue to share Baby Joshua with other and continue to change lives.

But the next few days will be a different fight. Jill, you will be faced with questions and accusations. Please, remember, that God has given you these fights for a reason. You will have to face sweet Hannah and Caleb and comfort their broken hearts; it's just a different type of broken heart. And your heart is broken as well. It will take time to heal and will always remain changed. You will cope with all stages of grief as you endure one of the hardest challenges for a parent: to bury your child.

Remember, there is a large world out here full of believers, lovers of Christ, that are willing to fight the fights with you, no matter how large or how small. We will hold your hand, wipe your tears, embrace you, offer our shoulders and our outstretched arms. We will listen. We will pray.

Your words have always meant so much to me, even when I never commented. Joshua had a broken heart and I truely believe that having you for a mama and Shane for a daddy made it less broken. He is now with the best Father, Doctor, and Healer ever imaginable. And he lives on in each one of us.

I know that today, Joshua took a piece of my heart with him to heaven, but it's okay because he left a piece of his here on Earth with me.