"As a young girl, I had looked to my father as the authority to demonstrate how to navigate the world outside of our home. I had taken whatever he said as fact; he was wise and he could do no wrong...until he had broken my trust. When he left us, part of me locked him out of my heart so he would never be able to hurt me again. From that point on, I did not trust him. When my father lost my trust, so did every other man in the world."
In my life...in my work with people...in my role with the Fort Wayne Fatherhood Coalition...this statement resonates very true. And, to people who have never experienced that broken relationship, it may not be understood very well.
Little girls admire their daddies. They look up to them as if they are the greatest hero, the biggest celebrity, the most amazing man in the whole world. And, then, they see their humanity.
In some homes, the recognition of humanity in a father is a healthy realization. It comes as the daughter reaches a point of maturity where her relationship with her dad begins to change, and the realization of humanity isn't heart breaking for her. It's just a simple fact that he is human, and that her grandiose views were unrealistic. However, her respect and honor for him continues to be there.
In other homes, the realization of a father's shortcomings from this dreamlike view of him come too soon. The truth crashes upon the view of the little girls before they are ready to understand them when broken relationships occur. When daddy goes to jail, or when he leaves the kids behind, or when there is abuse...these things cause the little girls to have a broken trust in humanity. Because when Daddy is a hero, a celebrity, the greatest man in the world...and when he hurts us...then, what is there to be offered from everyone else?
If Daddy leaves me, why won't everyone else in my life abandon me as well?
If Dad isn't around when I need him, why would anyone else be?
If my father's love isn't enough for him to be here, now, why would anyone else love me?
If Dad can't protect me, who can?
Are the thoughts logical? Not really. But the heart doesn't usually follow logic.
In doing a quick search for numbers, I saw that approximately 40% of kids in the U.S. are fatherless. That's over 24 million children.
What happens when the next generation grows up and 40% of them have these feelings, these inadequacies, this lack of trust in people? 24 million kids will ask the question, "What did I do to make my daddy leave me?"
So, what do we do? Does it matter?
Can anything be done?
