Three Years Ago Today

(I know, I know, I said I was done blogging. But, I lie. It wasn't intentional. But honestly, writing is a part of who I am. Sometimes, I write in a journal. Sometimes, I want to blog. If you don't like it, don't read it.)


Three years ago, I was in the hospital, waiting to be induced, waiting to meet the smooshy little baby that would grow into the little boy in my life.

I fell asleep last night, with tear-stained cheeks and wet eyelashes. I was remembering what it was like, three years ago.

We thought we had it all. We lived a god-less life, fulfilling empty souls with things and people. We anticipated the birth of Mateo, thinking it would make our family complete. We had no clue.

Within two months of his birth, our world melted. We became nothing more than muddy puddles on a white floor. We had nothing. We were nothing. We were like two filthy balls of snow brought into a warm kitchen and placed in front of the oven. Our world melted. I can't remember events. I barely remember Mateo's first year. I remember melting. Breaking down in the driveway, crying with the neighbor, sobbing in front of my boss, crumbling on the porch, melting. I remember screaming. Pain. Hurt. Hatred, stronger than anything I've ever felt before in my life.

God blessed us with Teo. If it had only been me, I would have left. No turning back, my life would be entirely different. If it had only been Isa and I, I would have been done. His possessions were already put into trash bags and I was ready to parent her alone. But, being a mom to two kids caused me to pause. I was too scared to be a single mom of two children; I knew I could do it, but I didn't want to. The pause gave Jose time to grab me by the heart, one last time. He succeeded in convincing me to give him a chance.

Teo, the sweet innocent infant who was born into a family with two empty parents, was born three years ago. Today, Teo crawled into bed with two parents who are full of a Christ-centered love. Three years ago, I never considered taking my kids to church or buying them a Bible. Today, I have two little people who love Jesus. Teo regularly asks me to sing him the "Bible song" when we lay in bed to take a nap. The words strike my heart and I only hope that they strike his too. "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so..."

This morning, lying in bed with the moonlight illuminating the face of that little boy God blessed us with, I sang a different song. We proceeded to spend the next hour with him telling me how many fingers were three, telling stories of "Hammer hammer time" (once upon a time), and talking about where we were going for his birthday dinner (he insists that he wants beans and rice - surprise, surprise!). Then, Isa came and crawled into our bed too, so we all woke up Jose. The four of us ventured out, in a day of insanely thick fog like I have never seen before within the city. We packed into our car, before the sun rose, and at five in the morning, we began celebrating the last three years with messy donuts (and coffee for mom and dad).

I thank God, so much, for the last three years.