Listen up Satan...

There's a war going on.

My life has become a warzone. I have entered into it unknowingly, but I am not going to falter.

The last few days, things, as silly and petty as they may seem, have been happening, and somewhere in my core, deep in my soul, I know they are not just things. There is a battle going on over my soul. God is using me and doing things in my life. I have asked Him to come in, to enter me, to enter my life and to use it to glorify His will, not mine. And He has. (Isn't God so amazing?)

So, here I am at a national conference for my denomination. God is here. He is HERE. I can feel Him. Sense Him. Hear Him. Taste Him. (Isn't He wonderful?) And Satan is scared. He is scared by the power. He is scared by my recent dedication. Satan has seen that this time, this love for God is real, embedded inside of my soul, and he is shaking in fear. So he has began to fight back.

I quivered. At the latest trial (I found out that I'm here, 3 hours from home, in a hotel, with very minimal spare change, with a flat tire...and no tire iron or car jack with the nearest mechanic chain which we have a credit account for over an hour away and no cash financial means to get it fixed until tomorrow), I did shed a few tears. I did panic. I'm far from perfect...(But I focus on the fact: God is superior.)

But, I also took a deep breath. And then realized that God is in control. He has it taken care of. If I just would let go of the grip I hold, if I will only release my fist and let Him take it, He will. And it's okay.

So, listen up Satan. I know that you have more tricks up your sleeves, but, they are just that...tricks. But God is bigger than you. His treats are greater than whatever you can dish out to me. And I know that He is in control of my life. He has carried me this far, I know that He will carry me all the way until I am where He wants me. (Isn't God the most glorious Father?) He will use me so long as I let Him. And, Satan, you sneakly lil' devil, have nothing that can compare to the victory that I will have in Him. If I end up homeless, it's in God's plan. If I end up bankrupt and unemployed, it's in God's plan. So far, He has used me, my shortcomings, my trials, to glorify Him. And He won't stop. (God is so good.)

And, hey Satan, I won't stop loving Him and trusting Him. Not this time. I did that once. I wandered away. But, not again. Never again. Am I scared to think of where this may take me? Yes. I am human. But am I going to walk in faith anyways? Yes. So, leave me alone. And even if you don't, too bad. I am going to continue to love God. I am going to sing His praise and give Him glory. I am going to fight. I am going to do everything in my power allow God to do everything He desires to do in my life to glorify Him.

It's like I wrote in a chat with a friend:

I just KNOW that God is working...doing amazing things...here at the conference and in my life in general...and Satan is just RIGHT THERE...trying to mess me up.

And it's freeing at the same time, because for the first time, I really feel it. I really see the warfare going on.

And that, to me, is a huge victory!

Because, before, I would have ran...

hidden...

ignored...

but here I am...screaming out!

And, suck it satan...because I'm still here and I'm still going to walk around declaring God is good and to praise Him.

So, hey, listen up Satan....God is amazing. And you aren't.

[Additional note: As I stood in the parking lot waiting for my amazing pastors/friends to come help me change the tire, since they had tire irons and car jacks, I opened the Bible on my phone and just clicked open a psalm randomly. It was after I had written this post. And here's what I read...Psalms 40: 1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him. 4 Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. 5 Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare. 6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire— but my ears you have opened— burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require. 7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come— it is written about me in the scroll. 8 I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.” 9 I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, LORD, as you know. 10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly. 11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD; may your love and faithfulness always protect me. 12 For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. 13 Be pleased to save me, LORD; come quickly, LORD, to help me. 14 May all who want to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace. 15 May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!” be appalled at their own shame. 16 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The LORD is great!” 17 But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay. How beautiful. How perfect. How amazing is God?]