House Projects: A Vent. Not About A Vent.

So, Jose has been continuously working on the wood trim in the dining room. I have been amazed and in awe with the persistance that he has put into this project. And despite it sucking him away from me at times, and despite the dust through out the house, and despite the noise and the smell, I have remained amazed. Of all the days that he has worked, I helped him once. One night only. The rest of the time, it has been his project. He has stripped paint. Sanded wood. Stained. Applied polyurethane. Sanded some more. And I have remained very proud of him.

But, since starting to stain last week, I have noticed spots where stain is thin or nonexistant. Where he has slacked off a little. And while I have spoken up slightly, such as "Honey, why don't you take off the doorknobs instead of staining around them?" I have not said much. I let him do his thing.

Except yesterday. He began to reassemble the room and I asked what he was doing.

"I'm done."

Oh. Really? I bit my tongue and looked around. There were spots that were completely forgotten. There were spots where the stain was uneven. There were spots where he just plain didn't seem to notice. So, I contemplated what to do.

Do I speak up and make him mad? It's been his pet project all month and he has done well on it overall, but these areas needed fixed. Or do I suck it up and not say anything? But then deal with it constantly bothering me until I insist in a year or two that we redo it.

So, I spoke up. And he got mad. Which caused me to shut up and shut down. I returned to my work upstairs and didn't say another word.

But then, he came upstairs. I was still on shut down mode though, so communication didn't exist and I ended up crying and he ended up leaving the room. But then, I felt bad, so I went to talk to him.

First thing to note: this would not have happened like this two or three years ago. We would have remained mad at each other until the issue was past us enough that it was shoved under the rug. Most likely, he would have gotten mad enough that he didn't finish the project at all and it would remain undone for months, until I got frustrated enough that I did it myself, all the while cussing about his lazy ways.

I pointed out, at his request, the areas that I was concerned with. Areas where the stain didn't take right or where he seemed to do one less coat of stain. And although he accused me of being "nitpicky," he listened.

And he fixed it. Less than an hour later, he called me downstairs to show me that he had fixed it and asking if it was better. And it is.

Second thing to note: I thank God for allowing us to communicate better now. Obviously, there are still leaps and bounds that we need to travel to make communication work for us, but this is way better than it was before. And for that, I am extremely grateful.