The therapist talks about boundaries.
He always goes back to these things, these "invisible walls" and "force fields" that I need to survive.
Thing is, how do I get them? How does someone who has never been taught HEALTHY boundaries begin to create them?
It's easy to think of boundaries. Especially for the painful relationships that you don't want to deal with. The situations that make you an uglier person just by being there. The slandering gossip. The "friend" who spits hate and encourages a fight. The family member that likes to call at the pit of his despair to argue.
But how do you set boundaries with people that you love? With people that you interract with every day and who love you? How do you put up that force field with certain things with them and not feel guilty? And not hurt feelings? And not ruin relationships? Because I feel selfish and like a bad person.
When I say, even if only in my head, "I love him/her, but I can't handle this portion of him/her and his/her life so I need to build a wall," I feel like I am not acting in a Christlike manner. Like I am not being a servant of God. Like I am being self-centered and not other-centered.
Where does that line need to be drawn? How can I serve and love others without draining myself? When is it Christlike to walk away from a relationship (and not look back)? What does the Bible say about boundaries?
3 comments:
one more thing....more like an example...
i was considering going back to shepherd's closet. when they posted the job, i felt deep down in my heart that i could not give of myself at this point. I can't deal with other people's (self made) problems at this point in my life. I felt selfish for even thinking that way, because there are so many hurting people out there who need to know Jesus, but I am not in a place pysically, emotionally, and spiritually to minister to them right now. I have to say no until I feel healthy enough to do it.
that decision KILLED me. It made me feel selfish and unChristlike, but I am doing it to get myself well so later down the line I can help others.
don't let satan trick you with his lies of you being unchristlike. also, don't let him trick you with his lies that you need to be everything to everyone. satan is working, be on guard and do what you need to do for you at this point.
i love you.
Think of your heart as a garden. Besides Christ permanently dwelling there you found someone who you wanted to visit there, o relax and join you in that private place. You open your gates and are ready to share, but the person your sharing with is ruining the plants, killing the trees, eating all the fruit. You began to share with good intentions and were ravished, unfortunately that garden is meant for you and Christ first and foremost. So a healthy thing to do would be to shut the gates while you restore your garden and replenish your fruit while your "guest" proves he is worthy of resting and eating your garden again.
What a great thought...I'll definately chew on that!
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