Nine Years Ago, Today

Nine years ago, today, if you had told me what I would have gone through, I may have laughted or run away crying. I would never have believed that I would be here today. Two kids. A house. Two cars. Or that I would have gone through the things that I have endured.

Nine years ago, today, I was a sixteen, filled with emotion and pain. I was a cutter and I smoked, but I had yet to expirament much with drinking or smoking. I was a virgin, but hung with a rough crowd. I occassionally wore inappropraite clothes, made inappropriate comments, did inappropriate things, but I was a good kid. I got good grades.

Nine years ago, today, I never thought that I would be here, doing this. I had just broken up with a boyfriend whom I left partially because he was too clingy, too ready to settle down. The first conversation of kids caused me to seek an escape. I never could have imagined myself like this. I was a feminist. An independent person with an independent soul. I was very insistant that I would never need someone or depend on anyone else.

Nine years ago, today, I was at my dads for the weekend. We planned to go out for dinner and I invited this shy 18 year old Mexican boy to join us. He sat next to me at Pizza Hut. He never said a word. Then, for fun, afterwards, my dad decided to go mudding through some fields or something.

Nine years ago, today, during a bumpy muddy drive, I "accidently" grabbed a boy's hand. He held back.

Nine years ago, today, I spent the night on the porch, talking for hours, as we had never done before. It was the first of many talks to come, many of which occurred on that porch within the next year or two.

Nine years ago, today, I offered a back massage and initiated a kiss under the stars. It was only after that that he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.

Nine years ago, today, I began a relationship beyond friends with the man that I love, the father of my children, Jose. I never imagined this.

Nine years ago, today, began a new era of my life. The smiles have outnumbered the tears. The good memories outnumber the bad. The miracles have triumphed over the failures.

Nine years ago, today, I fell head over heels in love with a boy who had a rough background, a large heart, and a amazing sense of humor.

Jose, I love you. Still. After everything. Despite everything. Because of everything, I love you.