I Really Did It...

...I always swore that this day would never come. Actually, I'm quite sure that I placed bets on it (however, if I bet you that this day would never exist, I'm planning on going into debt soon, so you'll have to wait for me to pay you the bet. Haha!) that I would never ever do this.

And even more so, I never thought that I would be so interested in the prospective of doing this.

I have been keeping the whole thing very much to myself and a group of close friends for the last three weeks or so, since the idea became more than just an idea. Then, a few conversations of encouragement and a few conversations of concern came. Conversations came first. And I am very grateful for the conversations.

I praise God for giving me friends and family who care so deeply about me and my family that they will give me the support I need and to open my eyes to areas to be aware of. I am also very grateful for having people who end whichever conversation they are having with me by saying that, ultimately, this is a decision my family and I need to make.

The conversations that I held the most dear were conversations with my husband. Conversations about the trials we will be enduring in the future and their worth.

After the conversations came prayer. I said that I was going to spend a week to focus on praying and listening to God. Asking Him where I should be. Requesting that He show me His way. And, in actuality, it took two weeks to make a decision. Two long weeks of weighing options and measuring pros and cons. Two weeks of taking every possible element into consideration. Two weeks of continual discussion with my husband. And, then, I just felt a calm and peace come over me. I grew excited, yes, excited about this thing that I said I would never ever do. That was Monday.

That night, I began to take steps towards making this decision real.

I completed the first step towards that decision last night. Last night, the wheels were set in motion...

And now, I am going to share it with everyone. The opening of the box and showing you what's been going on inside of it...

...I submitted my application to graduate school.

Yes. Yes. Hold on to your undies, ladies and gentlemen. It's true. I, the chick who swore up and down that I would never again attend a class or go to school, have submitted my application. This girl who hated anything even sounding like education is wanting to go to graduate school.

I have applied to get a Masters Degree in Counseling. Hopefully, from my alma mater, which is a Christian university.

So, last night, I submitted the online application. Then I registered to take the GRE and completed my FAFSA application. (My FAFSA application is already processed. I got the email today saying that I could see the results, so I logged in, but when I went to enter my pin, I was told that I couldn't access the results because they were still confirming that my social security number was correct. Stupid.)

Today, I got the recommendation forms to my references. Tomorrow, I will be calling the registrar's office to get my transcript authorized. And I will have the essays completed and sent to them by the end of the weekend. Then, I wait.

I am still nervous about it. I'm anxious. Concerned. Scared.

About the difficulty and challenge. About finances and money. About time management. About the future. But a friend that I admire shared Phillipans 4 with me on facebook today.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

It was reassuring. The biggest difference between my undergraduate studies and now is this: In school for my Bachelor's Degree, my faith was not my own. It was a faith that I was raise in. A faith that I was taught and followed without much personalization. I didn't read my Bible or pray honestly. Now, I have created a very personal relationship with God. He is real and He is with me. He leads me and guides me. And, with that realization, I can see how it would have been near impossible for me to attend grad school (without all the situational elements) immediately after recieving my BA. I just wasn't in the right place in life.

I know that God has a path for my life and when I trust Him and I look back at things, I can see how they piece together, how every piece makes sense for my life where I am now, and how He is pushing me for something more.

Do I have everything figured out? Not at all. But, I took the first step. And, for me, that was huge...