"A person who believes he is stupid is worse than a person who is stupid."
Oh...geesh.
The key word is believe.
When you believe that you are stupid, you behave stupidly. When you believe that you are bad, you behave badly. When you never have anyone telling you as a child that you are worthy, you believe that you are unworthy.
I was raised by a mom who was firm in her methods of parenting and one thing that I took from her that I have encorporated into our parenting is this: You never ever tell a child that they are bad, or stupid, or ugly, or anything negative. Their actions may be bad and their attitude may be ugly, but those things can be changed. But when you tell a kid, "You are stupid. You are a bad kid. You are ugly." they internalize those things and use them as defining factors for who they are.
I have told Isa, when she's misbehaving, that her attitude is ugly and needs changed. And, then she changes it. We have told her that she is behaving badly, but then she changes her behavior. After each misbehavior, we talk and confirm that we love her, even when she's being naughty or ornery or anything, we will always love her. You also never ever tell a child that your love is dependent on their behavior.
But, what happens when parenting like this doesn't occur? What happens to the kids who are told that they are bad or ugly or stupid? Or to the kids that assume that because their parents are not around or who do not want them or who just do not parent? The kids often struggle more to find their place as a productive member of society. They believe these things, these negative things about themselves and their lives, and they their actions reflect that. Just look at statistics of dropouts and incarcerated young adults...and look at their home lives.
What beliefs about yourself do you need to change?
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