Sometimes, One Friend is not Enough.

I got an email today. It was one of those forwards that I usually skim over, but I actually enjoyed the concept of it:

When I was little,

I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,

And then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,

God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.

Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.

Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'

Another , 'Let's fight together,'

Another , 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,

Another your shoe fetish,

Another your love for movies,

Another will be with you in your season of confusion,

Another will be your clarifier,

Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,

On whatever the occasion,

On whatever the day,

Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,

Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .

Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several..

One from 7th grade,

One from high school,

Several from the college years,

A couple from old jobs,

On some days your mother,

On some days your neighbor,

On others, your sisters,

And on some days, your daughters.

Often, I feel like I don't fit the "mold" of a friend. I seriously have many friends, and many friends who I consider my best friends. This forwarded email's poem put it well...I have different friends for different things, and not that I sought them out that way or that I limit them to certain arenas, but there are just certain friends that have expertise in certain areas and each's personality strikes a different chord in my heart. I love them all. I don't have a favorite friend. But when I'm fighting with Jose, there are two or three that I can reach out to that offer me the wisdom and empathy that I need. When I'm struggling with my kids, there are two or three that I can reach out to. I reach out to different friends for different things depending on where we match in our beliefs, our behaviors, etc.

Today, I've been thinking a lot about a specific friend. It hasn't been just today, but also yesterday, and past weeks and months. I feel like things are "off" with us. And it makes me sad. And I don't know what to do about it....

It was one of those unexpected friendships. I'm fairly certain, although she's never admitted it to me, that she didn't like me when she met me. And I'm not sure that she wanted me around at all, but looking back, I'm not sure where the turning point was. Jose and I were trying to change our lives and she and her husband reached a breaking point too. Maybe God just gave us to each other because we needed a backbone of a friend. Maybe we needed the support from each other that we could only get from another sinking marriage. Maybe we were both just needed a new scene. Either way, we clicked. And from the start, we didn't seem to have much in common. Not much at all. But, we enjoyed each others company. We turned to one another for advice. We turned to one another for laughs.

But lately, things are tense between us. I'm not sure where the path led apart. And I'm not sure how to fix it when I don't know what broke it. It's like finding broken glass all over the floor and not knowing what broke but trying to glue it back together. It's possible, but it is hard. And I want it to be how it was. I want the laughs, the games, the phone calls, the text messages, the emails, the coffee dates, the late night chats...

So, friend, if you are reading this...how do we fix together the broken pieces? (I love you.)

[Afterthought: After I wrote this, I realized that it could easily be about three or four friends, if not more...and while I thought of one friend in particular while writing it out, I miss the others immensely too.]