Cousins

Last week, my cousin and his girlfriend came over for dinner and some conversation. It was nice. It was really nice.

Last week, I also had a phone call from another family member who is fresh out of jail and with whom I have not spoken with in years. It was a step towards a new relationship over a broken one.

I'm not close to many members of my family. I'm not close to many members of my husband's family. We really have had to distance ourselves from many people because of drama, and time constraints has created a disconnect between many others.

In our conversation, we talked a lot about the dysfunction of our biological family and it caused me to think: where does the change get made? When do I know that I have overcome my past and my heritage? At which point do I create my own path and not fall into what I know? How come I am not more screwed up?

In honesty, I'm not certain what determines success and what determines failure between members of the same family. Why did I not end up in a drug addiction (aside from smoking) when it seems to be such a hereditary thing? Why is Jose not in jail when all signs point to him being a habitual offender?

Is there anything more than personality traits that determine our outcomes?

I turn to my faith for answers, as I do many other things, but looking into my beliefs make it seem more muddy. Did God choose this path for me and Jose, but not for other members of our family? Can we even point to God when looking at our bad decisions and the bad decisions of others? Should blame be pointed at temptation? Or is that dangerously taking away responsibilty?

Uncertainty of why different paths are taken when faced with similar choices is always going to be there, and I am not sure that I will ever know why there is such a difference, but I do know that there is always hope.

Hope that people can change. Hope that relationships can be saved. Hope that love, a love that begins at birth into a specific family, is consistant, despite circumstances. Hope that forgiveness can be given and hurts can be healed.

Hope that one day, we can all reunite in a family gathering and it is as if nothing has changed from when we were young kids, playing and laughing together, loving one another wholeheartedly without our shortcomings hanging over our heads. Hope that our children can overcome our downfalls and be cousins together into adulthood.