I have been working tremendously hard on building boundaries. Anyone who knows me has seen this. I am much better at saying no, following my gut on things, and walking away from situations that are just going to ruin me. One relationship that I have walked away from (at this time) is with my dad. I just can't do it. Not right now. Not until he shows that me and my kids mean more than alcohol, and that needs to be done by him quitting permanently. Then, maybe then, I will let him back into our lives.
And now this, ugh, THIS crap.
I feel like Jose has betrayed me. I feel like they have secretly talked about me and my "issues", giggling about how silly I am. I feel like my dad is undermining me, like this is all funny to him. "Oh, Carla's just throwing another temper tantrum, being all dramatic."
And all it is doing is making me want to erase him more and more from our lives. I was willing to keep the lines of communication open through letter writing only. Now, I don't even want to do that. At this moment, I am so pissed off that I want to send a hateful card and call it the end. I want to tell my children to forget about him and be done. But, I know that isn't the right way to treat the situation, but right now, it looks rather appealing.
Dad. Just leave me alone. Every time you call or text me, I feel more and more belittled. Like you just don't get it. Like you don't respect my decision. I don't think I need to make it any clearer. You are unhealthy for my kids and I right now. I love you. I will forgive you. But I don't want to talk to you, to be with you, to spend time with you. And I don't want my kids to either. You have always chosen drinking over us. You have been arrested three times in about a year. That instability is not okay for my family. You can miss my birthday, fine, but to not be there for your grandchildren because of being incarcerated/on house arrest/etc. is not. It's not okay. Because I have to explain it to them. I have to deal with them being upset. I have to be the one to wipe their tears when they miss Papaw. Not you. So, don't undermine my choice. Don't belittle my seriousness. You will just push me farther away.
Jose. Don't answer my dads calls. And if you do, please respect my decision to keep the kids from interacting with him right now. He needs to recognize the seriousness of his actions. You are supposed to back me up here. I stand behind you (most of the time) with your family situations. Why can't you do this one for me? And, if you have a problem with my decision, why haven't you spoken to me about it? Why didn't you say something when I read you the letter that I wrote? This hurts me. If I can't trust you, who can I trust?
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